To Where We Belong  Sam and Andy  Rookie Blue
by Sellons
Summary: Andy being shot causes her life to spiral out of control. She longs for stability and to find someone that will not disappointed her.
1. Chapter 1

Note – This takes place the day after the big take down operation where Sam almost died.

* * *

><p>Andy was exhausted she had spent half the night tossing and turning replaying the night before in her mind. Sam almost died, he could have died. The thought caused her to feel sick. She actually thought he had died. But he didn't, she had his back. But still everytime she actually managed to fall asleep she'd wake up mere minutes later with a nightmare – thinking of what would have happened if she hadn't got Rick to talk to her. Today was a new day though. She was going to ride with Sam, hopefully. Walking to get her radio she bumped into Traci and the two began to talk about their love lives.<p>

"Seriously Andy, I think you need to take a step back. You and Luke are moving awfully fast." Nash said to her as they were doing their radio checks.

"What about you and Dex?" Andy retorted in a semi-annoyed tone.

Traci brushed off the tone and replied. "It's different, Dex and I have Leo. Like I've told you we have history."

"You just broke up with Jerry." Andy interrupted. "And to top it off you are back walking the beat – what does Dex think about that?"

"Well Dex doesn't know about Jerry, and you have a point he wasn't too pleased when I said I was going to transfer back. He just doesn't want me to get hurt you know. But you and Luke haven't been dating that long. A key to each other's places I'd get that."

"We better go to parade." Andy said she didn't want to continue the conversation. She had made her decision. She wanted to be with Luke. He was stable, safe, and a good guy. She knew she was making the right decision. Even though she was starting to realize that he feelings for Sam might not be so easy to forget.

After parade Andy walked into Luke's office wanting to see him before she started her shift.

"Hey there," she said smiling at him. He looked up from his desk slightly annoyed.

"What's wrong?" She started to think back if she had done anything that would have upset him but she couldn't think of anything.

"It's this damn case. The Zoe Martinelli case. I can't really talk right now Andy. I'm sorry but I can't. I'm trying to get a hold of this guy who can help me. See you tonight."

Andy was slightly disappointed that he just brushed her off, but she turned around and started to leave his office. "Can you get the door?" he said before she made her way out.

* * *

><p>"Something the matter McNally?" Sam asked her. It had been an hour into their shift and she had barely spoken a word which was unusual.<p>

"I'm fine." Andy replied even though she really wasn't. Earlier she had been so excited to ride with Sam after what happened last night. Now all she could think about was what happened with Luke, she knew she was over-reacting slightly. But she also couldn't help but be upset about it. It wasn't like she was asking for a long meaningful conversation just a hey I'll miss you all day. Was that too much to ask?

"Alright," Sam said putting his focus back on the road.

"It's men," Andy said. "It's men all men."

Sam immediately regretted asking her the question. Before he could even say something or even think to say anything Andy began to talk about what was bothering her.

"You know not everything needs to be complicated and when we say hi. It's not like you need to make us feel like we are just some inconvenience and your job is more important than us." She took in a deep breath in. "You know what I'm sorry, just forget I said anything."

Sam cleared his throat. "Oh believe me McNally I will." He turned his head and looked at her for a moment. It upset him to see her when she was upset with Luke or when he was mad at her. It made him resent the guy even more. Sam did what he could, be a friend to Andy even though he wanted more but she made her choice and he was going to respect that.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Andy snapped back. "You know what nevermind. I don't want to know."

Sam didn't respond and they spent the next fifteen minutes sitting in silence until a call came in over the radio.

"We have a break and enter around Lawrence Park South at 1238 Glengrove Avenue."

Andy reached over for the radio and Sam lit up their car. "1505 responding show us en route."

"1505 we've got more information from the 911 call please be notified there is a woman and two small children in the house, and shots have been fired."

"Rodger that." Andy said before setting down the remote. Sam and Andy shot each other a look both uncertain of what was about to happen. Both slightly worried for the other.

They arrived on scene and bolted out of the car.

"1505 on scene, we are entering the house." Sam looked over at Andy. "Cover me."

Sam busted the door in and they had their guns drawn. Andy's heart was beating a mile a minute. She was so nervous. This job reminded her of her first day which just made her nerves even worse. They walked into the livingroom and there was a man with a gun standing over a woman. There was blood everywhere then Andy looked around and there were little kids with bullet wounds in their chests. They were lying in pools of their own blood.

"Put down the weapon." Sam practically yelled at the guy. Though it sounded about a mile away. She knew she had to pull it together. "Put down the weapon sir, it's over." Sam said pointing his gun at the guy. They could hear more units arriving.

"Shaw 1519 on scene. 1505 what's your 20?"

Andy reached for her radio. "1505 in the livingroom." She said her breath heavy. She looked at the guy with the gun. He was still holding it. Sam and Andy both had their guns pointed at the guy. "We have three down."

The guy with the gun turned around. He looked at Sam and Andy. Then he fired the gun, Andy felt the bullet hit her vest then she fell to the ground. Sam shot at the guy and he fell to the ground.

"McNally." Sam ran to her side just as Shaw and Epstein walked into the house. "Lay back." He said to her as she tried to get back up. The pain was overwhelming. "1505 we need an ambulance at this location, now, officer down." Andy lied there in pain. Dov went to go check on the guy Sam had shot.

* * *

><p>Andy had been admitted to the hospital overnight and Sam was there with her. She was waiting for Luke. She had left him a couple of messages on his cell and on his phone in his office. To top that off it had been a few hours since she got shot even if she hadn't called him she had to think someone at the barn would have mentioned it to him. Her father had dropped by but it was late and he had to go to a meeting and Andy didn't want to keep him from that. Her dad staying sober meant a lot to her.<p>

"Thanks for waiting with me, you know, til Luke gets here."

Sam nodded his head in response.

Andy was beginning to worry that maybe he had come and heard them talking and left. But he was also becoming more obsessed with the Zoe Martinelli case. It was beginning to worry her and make her feel like she wasn't enough.

"You should get some rest Andy." Sam said to her.

"Yeah, no, thanks for staying you should probably…" Andy's voice trailed off.

"Yeah right." Said Sam. "I'll uh see you around copper."

"See ya."

Andy felt stupid. Was she still faking things with Luke? Hoping that one day it would turn into everything she wanted it to be. I mean, things with Luke were good. She cared about him but she wasn't sure if she was in love with him. Then this she was lying in a hospital bed and he should be here.

* * *

><p>Andy opened her eyes to see the sun peaking in through the blinds of her hospital room. She was still stiff and sore from taking the bullet to her vest.<p>

"Hey you're up!." A raspy voice exclaimed from the other side of the room. It took Andy a minute to find it, but there was her dad smiling at her.

"Hey dad. When did you get here?" Andy scooted up in the bed.

"Not that long ago," He told her she figured he was lying but she didn't mind. He had been doing so good lately with staying sober. She was actually happy that he was here. "Must have missed your boyfriend Callaghan though."

Before she could answer her doctor walked in. "Alright Ms. McNally a nurse will be bringing in your discharge papers in soon. Then you'll be free to go. Just take it easy for the next week." He turned and left the room.

* * *

><p>Andy was back at her place. She was alone, her dad stayed for about an hour but she told him she was exhausted and needed to sleep. But she was really going to try and track down Luke. She called his office first figuring he'd be there, seemed logical enough. Sure enough he picked up the phone.<p>

"Detective Callaghan." His voice stern and serious.

"Hey stranger." She replied to him in a playful tone. "Don't check you caller id anymore?"

"Oh hey Andy."

She was little confused he seemed distracted or withdrawn.

"Where have you been? I figured you'd come see me at the hospital. Did you get my messages?"

"I've been swamped at work, and yes I got your messages."

"Luke what's going on?" Andy was afraid of the answer she'd get to that question. She thought that Luke was in love with her, and you'd think that since she got shot he'd rush to be with her but instead it seems more like he was avoiding her.

"What do you mean?" He asked as if he had no idea what Andy was getting at which just made her angry.

"I was shot Luke, and you are at work. You couldn't even peel yourself away from your desk long enough to see if your girlfriend is okay."

"Andy..."

"You know what never mind I don't want to have this conversation over the phone how about you just drop by my place when you are done doing whatever it is that you are doing."

"Andy wait." He said as she took the phone away from her ear. It was too late she was done talking to him for now.

* * *

><p>Andy decided she couldn't stay at her place. So she went for a walk. She was still in pain but it wasn't so bad. She walked to her father's place. She wanted to talk to him about her fight with Luke. Ideally she'd like to talk to Traci but she knew Traci was working, and she needed to talk about it now. It was only a few hours until end shift but then they'd be going to the penny and Andy wasn't up for a night of drinking.<p>

She knocked on her father's door, and when he answered he was surprised to see her.

"I thought you were going to get some rest." He said to her. He was really shocked to see her, unusually shocked. Which concerned Andy he never acted this way with her before. Not even when he was drinking.

"Yeah well I needed to talk to someone." She said and he let her in. He seemed rather reluctant to do so but she just brushed it off or at least tried to.

"Before we start I just need a glass of water I walked over." She said and headed into his kitchen. She opened the fridge to get the pitcher and found a brand new bottle of scotch. She reached in and pulled it out then just stared at her father. Her blood was boiling. First Sam almost dies, then she gets shot, then the fight with Luke, and now this. Andy didn't know how much more she could take.

"Andy," he said in an apologetic tone.

"You promised me it was different this time." Her voice was full of anger. "You said you couldn't loose me. This was your last chance."

"Just give me a minute to explain, Andy sweetheart, please." Her dad's face was full of guilt. It pained Andy to do this but she couldn't listen to what he had to say. If she did, she'd forgive him. She couldn't do that. Luke was letting her down, and her dad always let her down.

"No, I can't hear another one of your excuses. It always ends the same way you telling me this time will be different. I shouldn't have let you back in. I knew it was going to happen again. I knew you'd fall of the wagon. I'm an idiot."

"Andy," Her dad interjected but she didn't even let him finish she raised her voice and continued.

"No I am, because even though I knew this would happen I couldn't help but hope that this time maybe it actually would be different. But I am a fool, I thought that maybe for the first time in a long time I could come to you with a problem and have you help me with what is going on in my life."

Andy took a deep breath in, which caused her to flinch a little.

"I'm done. Don't call me, don't come to visit me. I can't keep living like this. I can't do it. I'm sorry but I can't, and I don't care if you get sober. I just can't do this anymore."

Andy walked out with the bottle of scotch in her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

She made it back to her apartment to find Luke sitting on the stairs outside. He looked at the bottle of scotch in her hand. Then up at her. Andy was fuming from her conversation with her dad, and since she hadn't had a chance to talk about what Luke had done she was still fuming about that too. She was so angry she was fighting back tears, and her side hurt so much from all this walking all she wanted to do was lie down.

"Didn't expect you to show up." Andy said without even thinking.

"Andy that's not fair." Luke said. This just made Andy even more angry. _FAIR._ What the hell she gets shot and his job he chose his job over her. She was supposed to matter to him. They were supposed to be moving in together supposed to be having this great life together, but all Andy felt like was crap. Silence had fallen between them, as Luke waited for Andy's response.

"Fair," Andy said annoyed, "FAIR."

She looked at Luke's blue eyes staring back at her with confusion.

"All you had to do was come and see me in the hospital. All you had to do was say hi to me before I left the barn yesterday instead of jumping down my throat. All you had to do was make me feel like I am more important than the job." Andy took a deep breath.

"Andy what are you saying?"

"You know everything about me, and I have tried so hard to make this work. Sometimes it's like I have to walk on eggshells around you because the job has you stressed out. You expect me to trust you, and I get it things haven't been the same since we had the fight about Sam. But you just expect me to trust you while you keep me at arms length and barely tell me anything about you. I can't sit around and wait for you to finish work. I won't sit around and be disappointed anymore." Andy was crying she didn't even realize but she was crying.

Luke nodded. "You're right Andy I've been unfair to you, but I am not a mind reader Andy and if you've felt this way for a while why didn't you say something to me. I can't help you if you don't tell me how you're feeling."

Andy pressed her lips together and shook her head. "I am not a suspect Luke, don't do that, stop doing that." Andy's tone rose with each word, she was so frustrated. She just wanted to go upstairs lie in bed and never get up again. If she never left her apartment no one could ever disappoint he again.

"Fine, Andy let's go upstairs. Finish this conversation upstairs."

"No." Andy said shaking her head. "I'm done."

Luke looked a little shocked, "Alright," He said, "Yeah let's take a break come back to this when we've calmed down a little." He began to walk away.

"No Luke." Andy said. Andy turned around to face him. His back was facing her.

"You are a good guy Luke, you are. I wanted this to work so much I really did. But it just isn't and I can't pretend that it is anymore. I just can't do it. I had to cut my father out of my life tonight. He fell off the wagon, but you – you are more concerned with your job. And I get it Luke I do. But we shouldn't have to try so hard to make it work. You are gonna to make some girl so happy in that house Luke." He had turned around they were facing each other Andy hadn't even stopped to wipe any of the tears off her face. "That girl just isn't me."

They didn't share anymore words. Luke turned around and walked off and Andy walked upstairs to her apartment.

Andy hadn't realized how late it was until she got inside. She was sobbing, she wasn't sure what had become of her day. She lost her father, she lost Luke. To top it all off she couldn't even go back to work tomorrow because of being shot. She walked over to her couch and sat the bottle of scotch down on the table. Reaching for her phone she dialed the only person she could think to call.

"Hey what's up?"

"Trace," Andy said not being able to hide the fact she was crying.

"Andy what's wrong?" Traci said concerned on the other end of the phone.

"Everything, my dad, Luke." Andy was sobbing really hard, even beginning to shake.

"Andy I am going to come over right now. Dex can watch Leo. You just stay there okay?"

Both women hung up their phones and Andy sat back on her couch.

It didn't take long for Traci to get there and when she did Andy was still crying.

"Andy what happened?" She asked as they both sat down on.

"My dad," Andy started. "I went to go and visit him earlier and I walked there. I went to go get a glass of water and I found that." Andy pointed to the bottle of scotch. "In his fridge."

"Andy I'm sorry, what did he say? Did it fall of the wagon?"

"He didn't say anything I didn't give him a chance. I mean why else would he have it in his fridge if he didn't buy it right? I got mad Trace. I took the bottle and I told him to leave me alone and not to call me or visit me and that I didn't care if he got sober."

"What if he didn't buy it?" Traci said and Andy looked at her confused. "Well," Traci continued, "You didn't exactly give the man a chance to explain."

"Trace why would it be in his fridge if he didn't buy it?"

Traci shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe a friend bought it, someone who didn't know he was getting sober. What happened with Luke? I thought you were all giddy and excited about moving in with him."

Andy was happy that Traci changed the subject from her dad. It was a hard topic for her what was even harder though was actually cutting him out of her life.

"I was," Any began, "But then he didn't visit me in the hospital last night or this morning. I was shot Trace and he just stayed at work with his nose buried in his files. I even left him messages that I wanted him to come and see me, and he got them but he chose to ignore them."

Traci looked at Andy. "So much for homicide Luke having smooth moves." The comment actually managed to make Andy let out a small smile.

They talked for about an hour but Traci had to go be with Leo.

"Trace," Andy said just as Traci was leaving Andy's apartment. "Leo is really lucky to have you."

_I can't believe this is happening. No this cannot be happening. Sam couldn't be dead. She hopped out of the car. Everything around he felt like it was in slow motion she saw the yellow sheet lying over his body tears began to form in her eyes. They began to lower the sheet. There he was lying and staring at her. _

"_McNally you didn't have my back." She turned her head to her left and there he was talking to her she turned her head to her right and there he was lying under the yellow sheet. All the cops from 15 looked at her and said in chorus. "You call yourself a copper. Partners have each other's backs always." _

"_You are nothing but a tube of lipstick and a badge."_

"_Andy I'd rather be liked."_

"_You didn't give me a chance to explain Andy."_

"_Andy what is going on with you and Sawrek."_

"_Yeah you don't need anything or anyone."_

"_You want to stand alone."_

"_You were assigned to 15 because I was told you were the best Rookie in the city, but I don't see that."_

"_In this job you don't promise anything."_

"_We enforce the law, Andy, we don't fix screwed up relationships." _

"_You almost got yourself killed in the process, nice work."_

"_You over think every little thing but when it matters you don't think at all."_

_Shots fired. _

_Bang Bang._

_Andy fell to the ground. _

"_officer down,"_

"_She's dead"_

Andy screamed and shot up in her bed, and then cried out in pain. The sudden and quick movement caused her side to hurt. She was covered in sweat and she looked over at her alarm clock. It was 4:30 in the morning. Andy sighed she lied back down, she closed her eyes and within minutes she was back asleep.

"_O__ne Victim D__O__A shot in the chest."_

"_There is an undercover cop in the building repeat and undercover cop in the building."_

"_McNally, you didn't have my back."_

"_You didn't have his back"_

"Y_ou should have saved Swarek's ass."_

"_The cheese that stands alone."_

_Bang Bang_

"_Officer d__own."_

Andy sprung up from her bed again this time to the sound of her alarm clock. She was in pain from pretty much jumping out of bed but it wasn't so bad. She placed her hand on her chest she was panting, coated in sweat. 7:30 in the morning. She turned off the alarm and decided the last thing she wanted to do was go back to sleep. She hung her feet over her bed and stared into her living room seeing the bottle of scotch on her coffee table. That reminded her of everything that happened yesterday with her dad, with Luke. She sighed and rubbed her face.

"Today is going to be different today is going to be better." Andy said reassuringly to herself.

"Swarek you're with Nash, Peck you are with Epstein, Shaw you are with Williams. Remember to serve, protect, and have each other's backs."

Swarek had never been paired with Nash before. He'd been paired with Peck and McNally but never with Nash. She looked a little tired, maybe she'd been up late drinking. He thought back and couldn't recall even seeing her at the Penny the night before he decided to just brush it off.

They were in the car for about an hour in an uncomfortable silence until Traci finally broke the ice. "Andy's life is complicated as hell right now."

Sam turned his head to look at Nash for a minute then turned it back to face the road. "Your point is?"

"You are really gonna make me come out and say it aren't you?"

"Say what Nash?"

"You have a thing for Andy. She told me what happened the night of the blackout. Anyway, she is going through a tough time and she doesn't need you making anything more complicated."

Sam turned his head to look at Nash again, "I like complicated."

"We have a 10-97 report of a sudden death at 50 Major Street."

Sam hit the lights, "1504 10-4 show us enroute."

_Knock, Knock, Knock_

"I'm coming just hold on." Andy yelled as she rushed from the bathroom to answer the door. When she did she was surprised to see who was standing there.

"I'm sorry Andy I shouldn't have just let you walk away like that. I should have explained."


	3. Chapter 3

Sam and Traci made it to the scene. Sure enough, there had been a death. An elderly man, seemed like he fell down the stairs and much to Sam's displeasure he and Nash had been ordered to watch the scene until the coroner got there. So they ended up being alone at the scene.

Sam then noticed how erked Traci was by the body. He tried to keep quiet but, it was annoying him. That and the conversation they had begun to have before they got the call to come here. He was beginning to worry about Andy, and Traci needed to get used to seeing dead bodies it wasn't a good part of the job but it was part of the job. "Problem Nash?"

Traci looked over at him trying not to get a glance of the body in her peripheral view. "No."

"Nash." Sam said again his tone implying he knew she was lying.

"Sir, I know dead bodies are a part of the job."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, they are." He took a deep breath. "You don't get use to death." He said to her in a stern, plain, and honest tone. "But it gets easier. Just give it time."

Traci nodded with a weak smile.

_Knock, Knock, Knock_

"I'm coming just hold on." Andy yelled as she rushed from the bathroom to answer the door. When she did she was surprised to see who was standing there.

"I'm sorry Andy I shouldn't have just let you walk away like that. I should have explained."

Andy looked at Luke standing there confused about how he entered the building without her buzzing him in. But even more so, just confused he was there at all.

"Can I come in?"

Andy nodded and moved out of the way so he could enter her apartment.

"I don't like how we left things Andy. I love you, and I don't want to loose you." Andy opened her mouth in an attempt to tell Luke that it was too little too late. Nothing he could say was going to change her mind. "Andy please let me finish." He said before she could even begin.

"When I was a kid, 10, my parents died in a car accident. They didn't have any siblings and their parents – my grandparents, both sets died before I was born. So I was shuffled between foster homes. In some of them I was abused and somewhere along the line I just stopped letting people in because I was tired of being hurt."

She watched as tears began to well in his eyes and she wanted to tell him that she was sorry but then she realized she had nothing to be sorry for. Well other than the night that happened with Sam that she had lied about. But beyond that, she had nothing to be sorry for. She tried so hard with Luke. To make it work.

"When I was in the academy," Luke continued, "I met a girl Jo Rosati and we were inseparable. We were together five years, I even asked her to marry me. But then she just broke it off with me. Then I just threw myself into the job, got detective, relationships fell by the waist side and Andy when I met you. Can we work on this? Can we."

Andy shook her head. "No we can't. I didn't know all that about you until now. We were together for almost 6 months Luke and it took me breaking up with you for you to let me in. I want to be your friend Luke because you are a good guy but I can't be with you, like that anymore. I'm sorry I just can't."

Luke nodded and walked to the door. What he said to her made her almost cry. She felt so bad about it about everything but she knew she was making the right decision.

"Andy," Luke said and they both turned to face eachother again. "Did you even consider having a life with me."

Andy nodded, "Yes, of course I did. But when you ask a girl to move in with you do you want her to just consider it or do you want her to just know?"

Luke let out a weak smile and left Andy's apartment. Andy finally blinked letting the tears she was holding back stream down her face.

Sam and Traci were back in the car driving around. After waiting a good three hours for the coroner to arrive at the house. He wanted to ask about Andy. The more they – more like he tip-toed around the subject the more his curiosity peeked.

"What did you mean when you said that I shouldn't make Andy's life more complicated?" He just needed to know. What was going on in Andy's life when he had seen her the other night at the hospital everything seemed fine.

"Sir, I can't tell you what's going on with her. If Andy wants you to know she'll tell you."

Sam sighed and they went to being silent.

Traci looked over at Sam for a quick second and then turned away. She wanted Andy to be happy but Traci new that jumping from one relationship to the other wasn't the greatest idea. She missed Jerry, being with Dex wasn't the same. So, the last thing Traci wanted was to interfere in Andy's love life. But Traci was Andy's friend and she'd support Andy no matter what decision she made.

"_Officer__ McNally I need to understand how the hostage situation developed." _

"_Officer sh__ot __Oliver, Oliver."_

"_There is an underc__over cop in the building, repeat an undercover cop in the building."_

_Andy fired her gun, she screamed and looked down at the man lying on the floor covered in blood staring back at her. _

_Then she looked to the right, Sam was there, underneath the yellow sheet. _

"_All I see is a piece of strange tress passing on my property I've got no option but to shoot."_

"_Sir put down your gun." _

"_Don't move."_

_Andy looked around the woman and her children were lying on the ground. Blood was everywhere. _

"_You're embarrassed of me." _

"_Andy you didn't let him explain." _

"_Andy you should have forgiven him."_

"_McNally you didn't have my back." _

_Bang. Bang._

"_She's dead."_

Andy jolted up. She had fallen asleep on the couch. She hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in the last couple of days. She was tired, the conversation with Luke had exhausted her so she had sat down to watch tv and didn't even realize she had dozed off until the dream. Andy reached over and grabbed the bottle of scotch on the coffee table. She looked down at it and wondered what was so special about it. What made the bronze liquid more important than her in her father's life. Why he used that to dull the pain instead of something else. But with the dreams she was having Andy was beginning to feel the temptation herself. She wanted to put the bottle down. She did, but she couldn't.

She stood up from the couch and walked into her kitchen. She got out a glass. But instead of opening the bottle of scotch she just stared at the glass. Wondering what the hell she was doing. She couldn't turn to liquor to solve her problems. If she did then she'd be like her father – the spitting image of her father.

She raised her arm and tossed the glass across the room and tears escaped from her eyes. _You are a horrible person Andy, a lousy excuse for a cop, an even worse girlfriend and daughter_. Andy opened the cupboard that contained her dishes and she took them out and laid them on the counter. Then one-by-one she took them and threw them across the room screaming and crying.

"1504 we have a possible domestic disturbance at 85 Younge Street apartment 3a. Are you free to respond?"

Sam flipped on the lights and answered over the radio. Wondering why Traci hadn't taken the radio. "1504 responding." Sam said making a u-turn and hitting the gas.

"What it is now Nash?"

"What do you mean sir?"

"You look like a deer caught in headlights I need you to be focused Nash."

"It's the address sir, that's Andy's apartment."

The two shared the same concerned look.

All the dishes had been broken. All that was left was the bottle. The bottle of scotch. She picked it up and clutched it tightly.

Sam and Traci arrived at Andy's apartment and the woman who made the 911 call had the door open for them to come in.

Andy looked at the bottle. She was not going to let it control her, control her life like it did with her fathers. Andy let out one last scream as she raised her arm in the air and tossed the bottle of scotch at the door. Then she collapsed to the ground in tears.

Sam and Traci heard the scream come from Andy's apartment and heard the crash against the door. "Step back." Sam said to Traci as he pushed her back. He lifted his leg and broke in the door. Sam didn't even think twice he rushed in to find Andy on the ground in tears. He didn't even notice all the broken glass around. He just ran to her. He knelt onto the ground and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay." He said to her reassuringly, "It's okay."

Traci walked into the apartment. She looked around to see the broken glass everywhere. She just stood trying to take it all in. Traci couldn't believe that Andy had done all of this. She had seemed alright the night before all things considered, and now her apartment was full of broken glass and Andy was crying in a ball on the floor.

Sam looked up at Traci who was speechless. "1504 what's your location?"

Sam didn't even give Traci a chance to respond. "This is 1504 disregard the domestic disturbance it was just a single female tenant that broke a box full of dishes."

"Rodger that 1504."

Traci gave Sam a puzzled look but decided not to question why he did what he did, since she had a pretty good feeling why he did it anyway.

"Andy," Sam said, "Andy I need you to look at me."

Andy reluctantly gazed into Sam's brown eyes that were full of worry and concern. Andy immediately felt humiliated. "What happened McNally?" Sam asked.

Andy took a deep shaky breath in and Sam helped her to her feet. Andy saw Traci standing there who was still shocked at the state of Andy's apartment. "Andy," Sam said again. "What happened?"

Andy stared back into Sam's eyes. "I just got so angry." She stated. He voice was shaky and weak. Sam nodded at her, trying to silently reassure her that everything was okay. Sam looked over at Traci. "Nash why don't you go down to the car I'll meet you down there in a minute." He gave her a serious look.

"Sir," Traci said finally breaking her silence.

"Nash I'll be down in a minute."

Traci wasn't sure if she should leave, mainly because Andy was clearly in a lot of pain and she didn't want to leave her friend but she also didn't want to question the authority of a senior officer, so, she retreated.

"Andy, you got angry, what else happened?" Sam said as soon as Traci left the room.

Andy was still crying, she wanted to tell Sam what happened she really did. But she was afraid to let anyone in right now. After what happened with her dad, with Luke, and the nightmares.

"Ever since I thought you died that night of the undercover operation. Boyd's undercover operation. I've been having nightmares." Andy stopped. She turned her head away from Sam. Partly because she was embarrassed by everything, what she had done, what she was saying. But mainly because she didn't feel like she could or should let him in.

"I should clean this up." Said Andy and she began to walk away from Sam but she didn't get very far. Sam grabbed her by the wrist being sure to be careful with her but still it was a firm grasp.

"Andy you've been having nightmares?" Sam couldn't hide the concern in his voice.

All Andy could manage to do was nod. She was still upset over everything and she was just tired of letting people in and constantly being let down.

"About what?" Sam asked her.

"About everything, about everything that's gone wrong since I've started the job. The night I shot that guy, about you dying, me dying, that mother and her kids at the house. About my dad and not forgiving him for falling off the wagon again. And for breaking it off with Luke."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "You broke up with Callaghan."

"Sir we have a break and enter at 48 Dundas." Sam and Andy shared a look. She wasn't sure what it meant.

"Rodger that Nash." Sam said into his radio and then he looked over at Andy. "I'm going to come back and check on you after shift. And I will uh—help you fix your door."


	4. Chapter 4

Sam was happy to finally be done shift. Mainly because all he could think of the whole time was Andy. How he left her at her place. He didn't have a choice, but still it had distracted him.

_Buzz. Buzz._

Andy had been in a daze ever since Sam left. She had cleaned up the glass and got a couple of small nicks on her hand. But she refused to leave her apartment. She just ran it under some water put some ointment on them and forgot about them. She didn't even have any dishes anymore. She had decided to drink. She had a bottle of wine in the fridge so for the better part of the evening she drank.

_Buzz. Buzz_.

Andy had forgotten Sam said he was going to come by. So she just assumed it was Traci who was coming by.

"Trace I really need to be alone right now." Andy's words slurred through the speaker.

"Been drinking?" Sam enquired at the sound of her voice.

"Sam..?" Andy replied in an inquisitive tone.

"I came to help fix your lock remember?"

"I already called the landlord to help me with that you didn't break the lock earlier it's fine." Andy just wanted to get rid of him. She was humiliated with what happened before, she was humiliated that she gave in and started drinking. But before he could answer Andy's hand slipped and buzzed him in. _Crap_. Andy muttered under her breath.

Sam walked up to Andy's apartment and sure enough the lock had been fixed and Andy had the door locked.

"Andy." Sam said softly through the door.

"Yeah my finger slipped." Andy replied still slurring her words.

"McNally, open up. I'm not going to leave so you might as well just let me in."

Andy admitted defeat and let him in. His eyes immediately turned to the empty wine bottle on her coffee table.

"Andy what's going on with you?" Asked Sam who couldn't hide the concern with his voice.

"What isn't going on?" Andy said locking the door behind Sam then walking over to the couch to flop down on it.

"I am a disaster. I might as well just admit it now. I am a horrible cop, I almost got you killed. I've almost got myself killed twice. Everytime I let someone get close to me they either leave or I make them leave by pushing them away. My father's an alcoholic and he chooses the liquor over me all the time. I broke every dish in my house, I broke an expensive bottle of scotch. Scared my neighbors. I am never leaving this apartment again."

Sam took a deep breath in as he sat down on the couch beside her. "Andy you are an amazing cop. I've been with you since you started. You've come a long way. I didn't die. I am right here."

Andy turned her head to face Sam. "You really think that don't you?"

Sam nodded, and Andy's eyes filled with tears. She tried to hold them back but she couldn't.

"Sam I am a mess. I thought I was making all the right choices. Being with Luke, cutting my dad out of my life, being a cop. But now I don't know." Andy's hands were shaking. "I'm sorry about before with the plates."

"Don't." Sam said to her with certainty in his eyes.

"Don't what?" Andy was confused. She didn't know what she said this time that caused him to say that.

"Don't apologize for having feelings and being upset." Sam looked at Andy. She had tears streaming down her face. "You don't have to tell me what's been going on, but if you need to talk Andy. I'm here."

Andy nodded. "I was going to go talk to my dad about Luke, and uh – he just had this weird look on his face. Like he was surprised to see me. He was antsy, and I've never seen him like that before. I had walked over to his place. With my side still, anyway, I went to get a glass of water. There it was staring at me in the face. That bottle of liquor. The scotch. I just was so angry. He made me believe he was getting sober. It was – he was."

Andy stopped talking, she couldn't muster another word she just broke down. Sam wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in. He had plenty of experience being the comforting male figure. He'd done it so many times with Sarah. He was happy to be the protector. They spent the next few hours sitting in silence. Sam was about to break the ice when he noticed the Andy had fallen asleep in his arms. He couldn't help but smile. He knew he had feelings for Andy. Feelings he had been trying to deny, to forget. She wanted to be with Callaghan so he respected that. Now it looked like she was on the brink of a breakdown. So he had to respect that. He wasn't going to be that guy, but he would try and help her through this. He had to. He would never forgive himself if he didn't try.

Sam moved to pick Andy up. He lied her down on her bed and covered her up with the blankets. Then he went back to her couch and sat down. Turning on her tv and before he knew it he had fallen asleep.

"_Did you even consider having a life with me?"_

"_You're embarrassed of me."_

"_No wonder you always date the wrong guy." _

"_Yeah you don't need anything or anyone."_

"_You announced you were a cop to practically every car that came near you."_

"_It's all adding up, and I'm finally realizing the cost of doing this job."_

"_You better not say anything either."_

"_I need to understand how the hostage situation developed."_

"_We have one victim DOA shot in the chest."_

_There he was under the yellow sheet. Staring back at her. _

"_You didn't have his back, McNally." _

_BANG BANG._

"_Officer down."_

Andy jolted up in her bed and screamed again. Night three, nightmare three. But this time something happened that she didn't expect. Her head was throbbing. Then she remembered the wine. She drank all of it. But that wasn't even the most surprising part. Sam had ran over to her bedside. At first she was confused but then she remembered how she had let him in by accident and she ended up talking to him.

"Andy, what happened?" Sam said to her as he moved to sit down beside her on the edge of her bed.

Andy didn't even respond she just crashed her body into Sam's wrapping her arms around his neck. She nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck. "I dreamt that you died instead of Angel, again." Andy whispered, faintly and weakly.

Sam looked over at the clock by Andy's bed. It was 5:50. Sam was borderline late in getting ready for work. He didn't realize what time it was. He was beginning to wonder if he should just call in sick. Take a day off. God knows he has enough time saved up. Andy clearly needed someone to be with her.

"I can stay with you, call in sick." Sam said voicing his thoughts. Not knowing how Andy would respond.

"No," She said which surprised him. "I can't ask you to do that. I'll be okay."

"Andy," He said to her. Neither had moved she still had her arms wrapped around him. Holding him tightly, and he had his arms wrapped around her. She knew what he was implying. She wasn't okay, everything felt so out of control right now. But she felt guilty asking Sam to stay with her. These were her problems, and she didn't want to dump them all on Sam.

"Sam, you need to go." She said breaking him free of her grasp. "If you don't think I'll be fine. You can come back later after shift and check on me."

He reluctantly agreed and left her apartment. Andy seeing what time it was tried to lie down and get some sleep.

Sam just made it 10 minutes before parade. He rushed so he'd make it into the room on time. With a minute to spare he made it into the parade room. With Frank trailing in right behind him.

"Alright, we are headed toward a long weekend. People are going to want to get out of town. Last long weekend there was a string of carjackings." They got briefed on what to look out for then partners were being assigned. Sam hadn't had time to checked the roster. But he was hoping that he wasn't paired with Nash again. He didn't not like her, he just didn't want to have another awkward conversation about Andy with her.

"Shaw you are with Epstein. Williams with Nash. Swarek you are paired with Peck today. Remember, serve protect and let's keep the city safe." Sam was relieved not to be paired with Nash. He knew Peck would keep things professional. She always had her eye on the prize. Kept her head up straight. "Swarek, Nash, my office." Best was clearly angry and him saying that made Sam break from his thoughts.

"Peck I'll meet you at the cruiser." She nodded at him and he and Nash followed Frank to his office.

"You two received a 911 call from Officer McNally's apartment building yesterday. According to the report I got from dispatch it was a possible domestic disturbance, but then you disregarded it. Care to explain what happened?"

Traci and Sam both shot a look to each other. Sam then turned to face Frank. He was unsure of what to do. What to say. He had spent the night with Andy and she was on the cusp of an emotional break-down but he knew if he said that to Frank he's be putting their relationship in harms way. Sam was torn.

"Well.." Frank said breaking the silence that had taken over the office. "Now would be nice or I'll put Peck with Williams and you two will be riding front desk for the remainder of the week."

Sam looked over at Nash looking for some kind of answer. She nodded, and he began. "We responded to the call. There were some broken dishes and a – and a uh broken bottle of booze on the floor she was."

"Today Swarek."

Sam nodded. "She was on the ground crying. She'd broken them all she was alone when we got there."

Frank nodded. "Alright, normally I wouldn't turn a blind eye but with the events of the week…. Just keep me updated."

They both nodded, and said "Yes Sir." In chorus.

"Dismissed."

Andy hopped out of the shower after Sam left she hadn't been able to fall back asleep. Despite her best efforts, and she had tried for about two hours but it was a waste. She was slightly excited at the prospect of Sam returning. She decided that she needed to go and buy dishes and some food. Good food. She wanted to surprise him if he came back. She really hoped that he would. She had gotten dressed and made her way over to the door. She moved her hand to reach for the handle. Then she just stood there and looked at her hand grasping the handle.

_What are you doing Andy_. The words rang through her mind. _Just open the damn door it isn't difficult. It isn't going to bite you. You need to do this. _

She could feel the past few days just building up on her. It felt like a huge weight on her shoulders. She was actually afraid to leave her apartment. Andy's hands began to tremble. She needed to leave her apartment she couldn't stay in here for the rest of her life. But there she was, frozen, not able to move a muscle.

_Andy just turn the damn doorknob. You can do this. What the hell is the matter with you._

Still nothing, Andy was beginning to panic. She grasped the doorknob a little tighter. This only increased her anxiety. But she didn't back down. She also didn't open the door.

Sam and Gail sat in silence in the patrol car. But it wasn't a comfortable silence like it usually was when he rode with Gail.

"So," She said finally breaking the ice.

He turned his head for a moment and gave her his signature quizzical look and then turned back to face the road.

"Chris is getting out of the hospital tomorrow." Gail said tip-toeing around the elephant in the room. Everyone in the division knew that there had been a 911 call made to Andy's apartment. Most assumed it had something to do with her dad. Gail wanted to know, she was kind of friends with Andy. She wished her fellow rooks treated her with the same respect. Dov had been good about it since the recertification and Chris was always fair to her. She and Andy were okay. Andy understood the pressure of being the kid of a cop, but still they weren't the closest. But Gail still worried about what happened. They were friends.

"That's good." Sam said. He hadn't been contributing much in the way of conversation since they got in the car.

"Alright," Gail began, "I have to ask."

Sam looked over at her again, "Ask what?"

"Are you ever going to make a move for Andy? I know you said after we got cut loose that you weren't but after what happened yesterday – and her getting shot. Maybe you should, and don't worry about Callaghan." Gail still avoiding the main elephant in the room opted for taking a poke at the other one.

"What do you mean don't worry about Callaghan?"

"Listen I'm not saying I am the closest with Andy but it's pretty clear that she likes you. I say go for it. Isn't it fairer to Luke to break up with him now before she moves in with him?"

Sam didn't mention the fact that Andy had already broken up with Callaghan. It wasn't his place to say. "Maybe." He said then he flashed her a goofy smile which made her laugh. Hoping it would make her change the subject.

"Alright," Gail said to him, "But before I drop it for what it's worth I actually think you and Andy would be good together."

A few hours had passed and Andy was still standing at the door. She had yet to turn the knob to reveal the hallway. She hadn't left the place since she had returned from her fight with her father. She just stood there and she wanted to leave the place. But she was in a staring contest with the door and she was losing.

"Andy, you can do this." She said allowed to herself. "Just open the door it's not a big deal."


	5. Chapter 5

"It wasn't what it looked like. I didn't know what it was. I thought they were herbal supplements." The guy in the back of the car was screaming. "I was just with my girl having a coffee. Then he came, I thought they were herbal supplements."

"Yeah you keep saying that." Gail said not before catching a huge whiff of the guy who had he face right up against the cage. He didn't smell like he was drinking coffee, more like smoking weed.

"Yeah, well that is cause I'm not a liar." The guy retorted in a matter of fact tone.

"That's what they all say." Sam said sarcastically with a goofy look on his face that made Gail crack up.

"You are all in on some police conspiracy to take me down for not knowin' the difference between drugs and herbal supplements."

"Sir just sit back." Gail barked at the guy.

"You pigs." The guy said.

Sam's blood began to boil, he hated when people took a negative look at the police. He slapped the cage. "Be quiet."

"You are going to do this Andy McNally."

She turned the knob. After staring at it for the better part of the day. Then she opened it. The hallway was empty. Andy was feeling nervous. She knew she had to do this though. She had to leave or she was afraid she really never would leave her apartment again. Taking a deep breath, Andy took the first step forward. She was standing in the frame of the door.

"Well that was interesting." Gail said as they got back into the patrol car after dropping their suspect off at the barn.

"You could say that." Sam replied. He was just looking forward to this shift being over. The more time went on the more he worried about Andy. _Damn it Sammy_. _What are you doing? Traci was right Andy's life is complicated right now. She needs a friend, not another messy complicated situation_.

"Sir?" Gail said breaking the silence in the car that Sam hadn't even noticed as he'd been so wrapped up in his thoughts. "You know what I said earlier about going after Andy even though she's with Luke?"

Sam looked over at her, not sure he was really in the mood to hear what she had to say. But Gail was relentless, so he just nodded.

"Well, I meant it." She looked at him, as he pulled the car over by a coffee shop. "I know Andy and I aren't exactly close. But, if that under cover operation taught me anything – if seeing Chris lying on the floor having no other option but to watch him die has taught me anything. It's if you love someone you fight for them. You accept their mistakes, you try and work them out together." Gail took a deep breath. "I don't know what's going on with Andy. But I think she needs someone who will work on things. I mean Luke is nice enough but I think that he might need surgery to get him unattached from his desk. And you are a good guy. Not that you'd ever admit it I know, but you are."

"Peck."

They gave each other one last look.

"Thanks."

Sam pulled the car back on the road.

Andy was still standing in her doorway. Taking it one step at a time. She was beginning to feel calmer about leaving her apartment. Andy was about to take the first step out into the hallway when her phone rang. She turned back in to go answer it.

"Am I speaking to Andy McNally?" An unfamiliar voice inquired.

"This is Andy."

"Hi Andy this is Doctor Vicki Townsend from Renascent. We are an inpatient treatment facility. We've called to inform you that your father has checked himself in for a 90 day inpatient program. He wanted us to call you on his behalf."

Andy was shocked. She had no idea what to say.

"Ms. McNally." The woman on the other end of the line said in an inquisitive tone.

"Yeah.. uh.. I'm still here. He checked himself in? When?"

"Yesterday evening. He's getting settled in."

Andy couldn't believe it. Her father checked her into rehab, had she been too brash with him? Too harsh with him?

"Can I come and visit him?"

"Not during the first little while, but we'll keep in contact with you."

The phone when dead. Andy put down the phone and felt tears in her eyes. She didn't know what to think or how to feel. She walked back over to the door and slammed it closed. Guilt washed over her, she had been so unfair with her dad. He couldn't afford to go to rehab and yet he checked himself in there anyway for her. She walked over to her bed and crashed on it.

Finally paperwork was done. The shift was done. Sam was trying to make it out of the barn as quickly as possible. He had just finished changing and was about to leave the locker room when he was stopped.

"Excuse me." Sam said.

"Sammy missed you at the Penny last night. Will you be gracing us with your presence tonight brother?" Shaw asked him.

"Yeah no.. I have plans." Sam didn't want to be too specific. He didn't want to air Andy's business. It was bad enough the entire division was still talking about the 911 call.

"Swarek." Luke said as he barged into the locker room.

"Callaghan." Sam responded nonchalantly.

"Sammy I'll see you at the Penny or tomorrow." Shaw didn't want to be around for their conversation so he made a b-line for the door.

"You and Nash responded to a 911 call at Andy's place. Why didn't one of you tell me?"

Sam flashed his annoyed grin at Luke. "She said she broke up with you. Didn't think it was any of your business. Now if you don't mind." Sam started to walk past Luke but he grabbed Sam's arm to stop him.

"Let me go Callaghan." Sam said in a low and angry tone.

"I'm just worried about her."

Luke let go in hopes that Sam would tell him what was going on but instead Sam seized the opportunity to make a quick exit from the locker room and the barn.

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

It was the fifth, sixth, and seventh time the buzzer to Andy's apartment went off. She didn't move nor budge. All she could do was lie in her bed. She was still shocked by the phone call. She should have been there for her dad. She should have taken him to rehab. Maybe the meetings were working. She didn't know. She couldn't know. She hadn't given him the chance to explain. She should have given him a chance. She felt like an awful daughter.

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. _

Eight, nine, ten. Andy kept counting each buzz as she lied in the bed. She just couldn't move. She wasn't even allowed to go and see her dad. She couldn't go apologize to him. He was cut off from her, stuck in a hospital with strangers.

"Come on McNally." Sam said softly to himself. The more he pressed the buzzer the more his anxiety increased. He was relentless with the buzzer. But still nothing. So he decided to buzz into someone else's place and sure enough they let him in.

He bolted up the stairs and knocked on her door.

"Andy I'm not going anywhere." He yelled, hoping that she'd hear him. Hoping she was in there to hear him. "I'll sit out here all night, all tomorrow, all week. Until you let me in."

Andy was slightly relieved when the buzzer stopped. She could officially wallow in her own guilt and self pity. She was tempted to go and open the other bottle of wine in her fridge. But she couldn't do that to herself, her dad who was actually getting sober, but even more so she couldn't stop crying or peel herself off her bed.

Then she heard the knock on the door.

"_Andy I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit out here all night, all tomorrow all week. Until you let me in." _


	6. Chapter 6

"_Andy I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit out here all night, all tomorrow all week. Until you let me in."_

Andy lied in her bed as she heard Sam knocking on her door. She had been so excited for him to come over now Andy just felt like crap. She felt like an awful daughter, she didn't feel like she measured up as a cop. She was having nightmares that rendered a good night's sleep in the near future improbable, and she couldn't even be happy with a decent guy. It was official in her eyes. _Andy you are a wreck_.

"Andy come on I'm worried about you."

Sam was still yelling through the door. He was probably annoying her neighbors but he didn't care. He kept knocking, hoping that Andy was there. Well, he wasn't dumb he knew Andy was in her apartment. He just hoped leaving in the morning hadn't been the wrong decision. Maybe he should have stayed.

"Andy if you don't let me in, I'll just break the door off the hinges."

Andy heard him loud and clear. She wanted to get up to let him in. But she hadn't even locked the door after getting the phone call from her dad. She kind of wished Sam would just give up – so she could lie in her bed and feel sorry for herself.

"You know the doorknob works." Andy screamed with haste in her tone.

Sam took a deep breath before walking into Andy's apartment where he saw her lying on her bed in tears.

"Andy," Sam said weakly as he walked over to the bed. Sitting down beside her, he noticed she was dressed like she was just ready to walk out the door but he decided to let it go unsaid. "What happened?"

Andy buried her head in her pillow even further. "Why do you care Sam?" She said shakily through tears.

"I can't believe you even have to ask that at this point." He said as he placed his hand on her arm. "What happened Andy?"

"I made a mess of everything. That's what happened. I drive everyone away. I am not a good cop, and I can't sleep through the night anymore. No matter how hard I try to be happy, it's like I can't. I'm an awful person." With every word she said, her crying became more intense. "And my dad checked into rehab, and I wasn't there for him because I was mad at him."

Sam moved so he was lying down in the bed beside Andy and that he was holding her in his arms. "Andy." He said to her calmly and softly in an effort to try and calm her down. "I want you to listen to me. You are an amazing person Andy. You have such a big heart, you care about everyone." _That's why I love you_. Sam thought to himself. He desperately wanted to say it out loud but he didn't want to freak her out. "That is a huge reason why you are a good cop because you care about people and want to help them. I know you are hurting now Andy, but it will get better. As for your dad, I am sure if you go visit him he'd be happy to see you."

"You really believe that don't you?"

"Yeah, because it's true."

They just lied in Andy's bed for a while. Silent, not a word spoken. Until Andy finally said. "I can't leave my apartment."

Sam was confused. He wasn't sure what to make of what she had just told him. "What?" Was all he could manage to say.

"Earlier," Andy said sniffling, "I tried to leave but it felt like there was a huge elephant on my chest. I could barely breathe. I felt nervous and I don't know why."

"It's okay Andy." Sam said not knowing what else to say to her. Right now, he was worried and didn't quite know what to say to her. His mind flashed back to Sarah. How she was when they were young. He tried to help her but couldn't, maybe he needed to get the help for Andy that his parents had gotten for Sarah. But he didn't think now was the right time to even bring it up, and he felt kind of guilty for thinking it. He figured if he mentioned it Andy would be angry with him and try and get him to leave and he knew he couldn't do that.

"Have you eaten yet?" Sam asked her. Hoping that he could at least get her out of bed for a while.

"No." Andy said weakly.

"At all?" Sam said with a slight twinge of disbelief in his voice.

Andy just shook her head. She didn't realize how hungry she was until Sam had mentioned it. She finally moved her head from being buried in the pillow to look at Sam. "I can make something."

Sam shook his head. "No McNally I'll take care of it. Chinese sound good?"

Andy smiled at him, the first real smile she had made since she knew Sam hadn't died in Boyd's UC op. The smile made Sam want to kiss her but he didn't. He just smiled back at her. "Chinese it is." Sam said softly to her.

Sam had returned from getting the food. Chicken Fried Rice, Wonton Soup, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Spring Rolls, Egg Rolls, Chow Mein, and Ginger Beef. Any looked at all the food on her kitchen table from her bed. She felt special, Sam had really gone above and beyond. She was seeing him in this whole new light all of a sudden. Andy really liked it.

"So McNally, you gonna come join me?" He really hoped that she'd get out of bed and come and join him. If she wouldn't he was going to make her.

"Yeah." She without even thinking about what had made her breakdown earlier got out of bed and walked through her small little Bachelor apartment into the kitchen and sat down at the table with Sam.

They put food on their plates in silence and Andy just sat there looking at Sam with awe. She had never seen this side of him. This truly loving pretty much all walls broken down side of him.

"Callaghan asked about you before I left." He said breaking the silence. He didn't really want to bring up Luke. But he wanted to keep her talking.

"Really?" Andy said genuinely surprised. Then she realized, that the other day Traci and Sam had come to her apartment in uniform. They must have gotten a 911 call. Which means everyone at the barn knew about it and she was probably the topic of even more water cooler discussions. "Great." Andy said in a sarcastic tone without even realizing she had said it out loud.

"What's great?" Sam asked confused.

"Nothing, what did Luke want?" Andy asked kind of switching the topic of the conversation back to the original topic without Sam knowing that the topic had changed.

"He wanted to know if you were alright, cause I answered the uh.. to here." He said saying it without really saying it.

"What did you say?" She asked with caution and curiosity.

"Not much."

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

"Sam you know what you said to him." Andy's tone changed quickly from curious to annoyed.

"I said that you broke up with him and that I didn't think it was any of his business." He hoped that she wouldn't be mad at him. Hoped that she still wasn't harbouring feelings for him.

"Thanks." She said which took Sam completely off guard, and the look on his face showed it. "It's just," Andy continued. "With my dad being, you know, and then with my meltdown I had the other day. It's just people are going to talk. You know what it's nothing."

"It's not nothing." Sam said, "Like I told you before you don't need to apologize for feeling."

She nodded at him, and she felt tears well in her eyes again. "I'm stuffed thank you so much Sam for everything. You should uh.. go home and get some sleep." She stood up and started to clean up the boxes of food and the plates.

"Andy." Sam said to her but she ignored him and kept picking things up.

"Andy." Sam repeated hoping that he hadn't triggered her to cut him out. But nothing she just kept cleaning. Picking up after supper.

"Andy." Sam said a third time with no response.

Sam got up and grasped her arm. His touch made Andy feel warm it was soft and delicate. "It's okay to tell people – tell me how you feel." Sam said to her hoping that would make her slow down and talk to him. But all she did was nod and try to avoid eye contact with him.

Andy was afraid, afraid of how almost losing Sam had affected her. Afraid of the thought of her dad not forgiving her for shutting him out, afraid of being shot again, afraid of hurting someone like she had hurt Luke, but also just afraid of being hurt herself like her dad and Luke had hurt her. Sam was so intense all the time; everything with him when it came to anything was intensified. She loved kissing him though. She was beginning to think that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing. To give into the sexual attraction to him. But she couldn't at the same time. Because she realized today made her realize if she did that. If she gave into that, then Sam would have the power to truly hurt her unlike she's ever been hurt before. If it ended. Andy didn't know what she'd do.

The silence had engulfed them. Andy had moved her gaze to stare into his eyes. He was waiting for her to say all the things that had been making her so upset. Everything that hurt her. Hoping that he wouldn't have to go behind her back and tell Frank that she might need to talk to the department's psychiatrist. He hoped that if he could get her to open up that it would be enough, that he could help her. That's what he wanted, he'd help Andy anytime and everytime. Sometimes he wondered why, but then they'd share a moment like this. Just a simple gaze and it would all come back into focus. Make him realize what he was doing, why he stuck his neck out for her, but even more it made him fall in love with her all over again.

Andy opened her mouth to thank Sam for everything that he has been doing, but that it wasn't a good idea if he stayed. It would give people the wrong idea. But she wasn't prepared for what she was about to say. She didn't even mean to say it, it just happened. "Stay with me." The weight of the words, three simple words.

"Okay," Sam replied nodding. "I can sleep on the couch."

Andy shook her head. "No Sam, stay with me."


	7. Chapter 7

Andy opened her mouth to thank Sam for everything that he has been doing, but that it wasn't a good idea if he stayed. It would give people the wrong idea. But she wasn't prepared for what she was about to say. She didn't even mean to say it, it just happened. "Stay with me." The weight of the words, three simple words.

"Okay," Sam replied nodding. "I can sleep on the couch."

Andy shook her head. "No Sam, stay with me."

Sam was a little confused, he was only half sure he knew what Andy was getting at. Then Andy lunged at him, crashing her lips against his. Sam at first was happy, and willing to give into the temptation. He had longed for this moment for so long but he knew he couldn't take advantage of it. This time he had to be the one to walk away. He couldn't do that to Andy.

"Andy," He said as he pulled away from her kiss. Leaving Andy shocked, confused, and a little embarrassed. "I'll stay with you but I'll sleep on the couch."

"What?" Andy retorted quickly in an annoyed tone. "Sam you want this, don't act like you don't."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Andy I'm not it's just," Before Sam could respond Andy cut in.

"Whatever Sam sleep on the couch, go home if you want to. I don't care."

"ANDY." Sam said as she turned around to continue picking up the boxes from their dinner. But Andy just ignored him and Sam, well he wasn't sure of what to do. Part of him wanted to storm out. He didn't want to deal with his feelings for Andy, not while she was like this. Not while she needed him to be his friend, and not right after she broke up with Luke.

"Well..." Andy said Sam hadn't even realized she had said something and by the look on Andy's face she wasn't very impressed with him.

"Are you going to share the bed like an adult or what? I won't be able to sleep knowing that I'm putting you out like that. Even though I'm ... whatever just sleep in the bed okay." Andy wanted him close, she just wanted him near. Even though she felt embarrassed for being rejected. She also couldn't be mad at him.

"Sure." Sam said not even sure if it was a good idea.

"_Officer in jeopardy move in now."_

"_One victim DOA shot in the chest."_

"_There's an undercover cop in the building, repeat, an undercover cop in the building."_

"_Officer in jeopardy move in now."_

"_One victim DOA shot in the chest."_

"_There's an undercover cop in the building, repeat, an undercover cop in the building."_

_This can't be happening. Sam has to be okay, Sam cannot be dead._

_The yellow sheet, no not the yellow sheet. _

Andy began tossing and turning in her sleep which woke Sam.

_Luke and Boyd standing beside the body folding down the sheet. There was Sam lying there. _

"_SAM"_

"SAM" Andy screamed in her sleep. Sam sat up in bed and tried to wake up Andy.

"_McNally you should have had my back."_

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

"_Officer down, lie back, lie back."_

"_She's dead."_

"NO." Andy screamed as she jolted up in bed almost headbutting Sam in the process.

Andy breathing heavy looked over at Sam, this time unlike the night before they just stared at each other. Sam reached his arm over to her and placed it on the small of her back.

"Andy what happened?" Sam asked cautiously.

Andy looked over at Sam not sure of what to say. She could tell him the truth, she could tell him that it was nothing. If she told him the truth she'd be letting him in, and she wasn't sure if she should do that after being rejected earlier Andy just wasn't sure if she could open her heart like that. So, she decided to tell him that it was nothing and just as she opened her mouth to tell him it wasn't a big deal, it was just a silly nightmare something happened. Andy told him the truth.

"It was the nightmare I've been having ever since the undercover op. We are in the car and they say there's a victim and I try to tell myself it isn't you but I know it is. I hear the voices over the radio, Noelle screaming to them that there is an undercovercop in the building. But I just sit there frozen because I know what we are about to walk into. It's too late. It's like I'm numb. Then we get there and get out of the car and Luke and Boyd go to the yellow sheet and there you are lying there. Your eyes just piercing back at me. Then you say I should have had your back, and everyone starts saying I should have had your back. Then the new part happens. There are gunshots and I fall to the ground and someone says Officer down then they say, she's dead. Sometimes the dreams have more in them, just everything that has gone wrong while I've been a cop."

"Andy," Sam said weakly. He knew what he had to do know. He had to tell Best the truth, tell him that Andy needed to talk to someone, someone who could actually help her work through this stuff. "Andy you had my back, and I'm fine."

"I know," Andy said unsure of what else to say. Then the alarm went off.

"It's my first day back on shift." Andy said looking over at Sam.

They had gotten ready at Andy's place and Sam drove them both to the barn. They hadn't talked about what happened. They just pushed it aside but Sam knew what he had to do. He needed to do it even though it meant that he might lose the possibility of being with Andy. Also, losing her as a friend.

Andy and Sam separated as they went into their separate locker rooms.

"So.." Traci said not even a second after Andy walked through the door.

"What?" Andy said defensively but also genuinely confused.

"You getting a ride with Swarek, what's up with that are you two you know together now?" A smile swept over Traci's face. Andy was getting uncomfortable really quickly she didn't know what was going on between her and Sam.

"Trace, I – uh – I just broke up with Luke. Sam was just being nice he saw me walking." Andy tried deflecting.

"Swarek, have an update for me?" Best asked as Sam walked into his office. Sam had gotten changed quickly so he could go and see Frank before parade.

Sam nodded reluctantly. "Yeah."

Sam walked into the office feeling a twinge of guilt, he felt like his was betraying Andy. He knew how she would feel about this. He knew she'd catch on quickly that he was the one who went to Frank. He could only hope that she would forgive him.

"Andy has been having nightmares, I think she's." Sam stopped for a minute. He could hear Andy yelling at him for doing this.

"Swarek... keep going."

"I think she needs to talk to the department shrink. She's uh – she could be on the brink sir."

"On the brink of what?"

"A breakdown." Sam hated going behind Andy's back like this, but he also knew he had no other choice. Andy needed help, help he knew he couldn't give her.

"Alright, unfortunately this means you and McNally with both be on desk today. I'll pair you with Peck while McNally is undergoing her evaluation unless you'd prefer someone else."

Sam shook his head, "No Peck is fine sir." He turned around to leave Frank's office and head for parade.

"Swarek."

Sam turned around.

"You did the right thing."

Sam gave a weak smile and left the room. "I hope so." He muttered under his breath.

Traci had dropped the subject and they were headed to parade. The room was full of everyone anticipating what the day would have in store for them. Andy was ready to get back in the car and just forget about all of her problems for a few hours.

"McNally and Swarek you're on desk."

DESK. Andy perked up confused. She looked back at Sam who shrugged but avoided eye contact. How in the hell.. what the hell... Why is this happening. Since when did a senior officer get desk? Did Sam do something to piss Best off? Andy sighed and sunk into her chair while she listened to the rest of the assignments.

"Nash you're with Williams, Diaz you're with Andrews, Peck you're in booking with Stryker, and Epstein you're with Shaw. Now remember we've had a string of low-end B&E's around Jarvis street. Keep your eyes peeled. Serve, Protect, and keep the streets safe."

Andy headed to the front desk, her head hung a little low. She was disappointed to say the least about her assignment for the day.


	8. Chapter 8

Andy barely made it to the front desk before Frank called her into his office. She was unsure of what was going to happen. Her heart was pounding fast, her hands were starting to sweat.

"Officer McNally have a seat." Frank said motioning to the chair in front of his desk.

"I am aware of the incident at your house earlier this week, as well as what's been happening with you." Andy looked at him with genuine confusion. She had no idea what he meant by that.

"You are going to have to see the department psychiatrist, and until she feels like you are ready to work patrol again you will be on desk duty. Do you have any questions?"

For a moment the room fell silent, Andy felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. She wasn't sure of what to say, how the hell – no what the hell did he mean. _I am fine. What the hell is he talking about_.

"Sir, I just – I just don't understand what you mean what's going on with me?"

She watched as Frank sat back in his seat. "It's not uncommon to be shot and have things begin to fall apart. I've been there Andy, I know."

"Fall apart?" Andy asked cautiously and quietly.

"Andy it's okay, like I said at your evaluation. You've had a heavy year it's okay to be affected by it. No one expects you to be able to brush this stuff off Andy."

"Sir, I don't understand what you're getting at."

Frank just nodded his head, he had an obligation to protect Sam's name in this. "I'm fine sir, I am perfectly able to handle patrol." Andy had a glimmer of hope in her tone. She could only hope that he'd hear her and agree. Say this was a mistake. But alas, that was not the case and Frank didn't back down.

"I've made my decision Andy. Unfortunately with everything that has been presented to me I cannot afford to have you working the streets. You will be able to do good work from the desk in the interim. You should know that you do not have to attend these sessions. However, if you don't then you won't be able to work patrol again. It could lead to you ultimately being let go. The decision Andy is yours."

Andy was beginning to feel angry and she couldn't hide it very well. "You still haven't explained what you mean. I don't understand what's going on Sir, I am perfectly fine."

"Andy, when I first started out on the force. It was 10 years ago. I was four months into the job when I was shot. My partner, training officer actually, was shot aswell. He didn't make it, I barely made it out alive myself. I was having nightmares, I was on edge all the time. I resisted the help at first."

NIGHTMARES. It clued in, it was Sam. He was the only person who knew about the nightmares. She hadn't told Traci, Dov, Chris, she couldn't even talk to her dad and she had no desire to talk to Luke. "Nightmares..." Andy said slightly inquisitively in a soft almost inaudible tone.

Frank nodded, "Yeah nightmares. They just kept getting worse and I tried brushing them off. Until one day Boyko called me into his office said it was either desk duty or I talk to the department's psychiatrist. I still tried to fight it, I was on desk duty and well it sucked. But then eventually I started talking and I realized just how much it can help. Andy, I am offering this help to you and I hope you take it."

Andy didn't know quite what to say to him. It was obvious he meant well. But talking to a shrink about what was going on. Andy failed to see how that could help her. Andy was the person who helped, she was the one who cleaned up other people's mess. She just moved forward, Andy knew she could work through this on her own she always did.

Frank dismissed her from his office and told her that her first meeting was directly after shift.

Sam was nervous the whole time sitting at the front desk alone. Not that he was nervous about the desk work he was nervous about Andy. He wanted her to get the help he needed, the help that he knew he couldn't give her. Talking to a shrink it helped Sarah deal with being attacked. It had helped plenty of officers on the job he just hoped that it would be able to offer Andy the same help.

"Sammy what the hell are you doing on desk?" Jerry said breaking Sam from his thoughts.

Sam shrugged his shoulders hoping that Jerry would just drop it, even though he knew that he wouldn't. "Come on Sammy I saw you in Frank's office earlier. What's going on?" Jerry turned around to see Andy sitting in Frank's office. "Something is going on Sammy, is it something with Andy?" Sam knew that Jerry's natural detective instincts were taking over and he was bound and determined to get to the bottom of it.

"Jerry I was just in their earlier telling Frank that for Andy's first shift back after being shot it might be easier to work desk and that I didn't mind being on desk too." Jerry nodded accepting that Sam wasn't going to tell him what was really going on. "Alright Sammy have it your way." He said as he picked up his cell phone and began to walk away. "Go for Jerry."

Sam returned to his thoughts as he began sifting through some of the paperwork to make sure it was organized properly. Andy had been in the office for a while, she didn't look upset. Things didn't seem to be going south. Maybe she didn't realize that he was the one who went to Frank. He hoped that she wouldn't figure it out. He still wanted to be there for Andy even though he couldn't fix things for her.

"Hey Swarek," Sam looked up and broke from his thoughts again. He was beginning to get annoyed with everyone interrupting him even though it was only the second time he had been interrupted. It was Peck, she had a smile on her face and he was really confused with this. "Peck." Sam said in a sly tone.

"Saw you riding in with Andy earlier. Took my advice?" Oh brother, Sam thought to himself. If she saw them then who knows how many other people saw, how many other people were talking about it. He wanted Peck to go away. But he wasn't really sure what to say to her. "Just friends." Sam said in a tone that implied she better go to work. "If you say so, anyway I guess I can embarrass you tomorrow while we are on patrol." She said as Andy approached before any of them could continue the conversation Gail called Stryker's name and skipped off to the sallyport.

Sam looked at Andy as she walked past him to sit in her seat. He wasn't sure what to say to her. She looked pissed off and he didn't want to make it worse. _Damn it Sam, did you do the right thing? Did she figure it out? Did Frank say it was me. No Frank wouldn't do that. Damn it Sam now you're acting like her you are overthinking it. Just trust your gut if she wants to talk about it she will talk about it. You'll be fine. She'll forgive you – maybe_.

"So.." Sam said after fifteen minutes of silence. "What did Frank want?" Sam asked nonchalantly.

If looks could kill, the look that Andy shot Sam would have killed him instantly. _She knows._ Sam thought to himself. He didn't want to push her but he also wanted her to talk to him not to shut him out. He was really worried about her, he cares so much about her that seeing her in any kind of pain makes him angry and upset.

"As if you don't know." Andy said under her breath half hoping Sam wouldn't hear her. But Sam heard and it cut through him like a knife.

"Andy." Sam said to hear hoping that they'd be able to talk about it quietly without getting a slap on the wrist or attracting any attention.

"Sam can we just do our work, don't overthink it okay, it is what it is. Whatever." Andy snapped at him the anger in her tone made Sam jump back a little bit. He wanted her to talk to him, but he decided maybe she needed to cool down a little bit. So he let it be for now.

A few hours had past and barely any words had been spoken between Sam and Andy. At least nothing that didn't pertain to work. Sam wanted to try and talk to her again about what was going on. But he also didn't want to have his head bitten off, but he figured he needed to try and let Andy know that he was still there for her that he cared.

"Andy I'm sorry." Sam said causing Andy to turn in his direction.

"I really doubt that." Andy said in a cold and detached tone.

"I care Andy that's why I did what I did." Sam responded hoping that she'd forgive him.

"You care, really? If you cared Sam you'd know that the last thing I want to do is sit in a room and talk about my feelings and what's going on with a stranger. I can work through this on my own. Console yourself because I'll probably be fired."

"You won't get fired Andy." Sam said reassuringly.

"Really, because it's either desk duty until I talk to the shrink or eventually if I don't talk I'll get fired. I don't really have much of a choice."

"Stop it Andy." Sam said causing Andy's facial expression to change from angry to slightly shocked.

"Excuse me?" She quickly retorted changing her expression back to angry.

"I went to Frank because I am worried about you Andy and I care. I care about you Andy."

"You keep saying that Sam, but you have a funny way of showing it." Andy turned back around to the files and she began to look through them aggressively.

Sam sighed and tried to regain his thoughts. He wanted Andy to stop and to listen to him. He still had hope that she'd forgive him and let him back in. But before he could say anything else a familiar voice broke the tension between them.

"Hey Sam," Monica said as she walked up to the desk.

"Hey Monica, what are you doing here?" Sam asked only half paying attention to her.

"Some of the prisoners were complaining of chest pains. They called me down from St. Mike's to check on them."

Sam nodded, "So," she said looking over at Andy then back at Sam. "How have you been lately?"

"I'll be right back," Andy said as she got up from her chair in a huff with a pile of folders in her hand. She walked past Sam angrily.

"Wow... she's uh interesting Sam." Monica said in a slightly judgemental tone.

"Don't," Sam said to her. She just looked at him with a what the hell expression plastered on her face.

"Uh.. Okay." She replied.

"I'm serious Monica don't. McNally is having a hard time. You don't know her so don't judge her."

"I'm just surprised that's all."

"Why's that?" Sam asked getting annoyed by the conversation quickly.

"How you could have been with me and then be with her we are different."

Sam nodded, "You are different and I'm not with her. You're the one that broke up with me remember?"

Monica nodded, "Sam I was actually wondering what you were doing later. Are you going to be at the penny?"

Sam shrugged, it was honest he actually wasn't sure what he was going to be doing later. He hoped that he was going to be with Andy but he wasn't sure if she'd forgive him between now and end shift. He knew he had a lot of damage control to do before Andy would forgive him for going behind her back to Frank.

"I've got work to do Monica."

She nodded. "Maybe I'll see you later then."

"Maybe." Sam said as she walked away and Andy walked back to her chair.

"So back together with Monica?" she said in a hostile tone.

Sam stayed silent. He didn't want to push things with Andy anymore, and he knew if they kept talking they'd probably get into a fight.

"Cat got your tongue. I've got no claim on you I'm just surprised that you say you care about me but you are still with her."

Sam turned around and saw a twinge of sadness in Andy's eyes that made his stomach twist into knots. "I'm not with her, she wanted to know if I was going to be at the Penny later. And I meant what I said to you Andy I do care about you."

"Of course you do." Said a voice interrupting their conversation. "Is that why you didn't tell me how she was doing Sammy?"

"Callaghan." Sam said with a hint of disgust in his voice.

"Luke." Andy said in surprise. She didn't want to talk to him she was hoping she could get through this entire shift without bumping into him.

"So Andy," Luke said flashing a stay out of it look to Sam. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Luke." Andy said getting annoying that everyone was assuming that she was about to break into a million little pieces.

Luke nodded and had a relieved look on his face, making Andy feel all the better. Luke always accepted stuff like that at face value. It gave Andy time to deal with things at her own pace. She thought of talking to Luke about getting back together just to stick it to Sam for going behind her back but she knew that wasn't the smart thing to do even though she was that angry with Sam. Luke left, and Sam and Andy were left alone at the front desk again. Until end of shift.

"Well thanks to you I have to go get changed and talk to the shrink. Thanks for that." Andy said getting up from her chair.

"Want me to wait for you I can drive you home." Sam said hoping that she'd take him up on his offer.

"Sam you're the last person I want to be around right now." Andy said then walked to her locker.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm Dr. Lisa Forrest. Feel free to call me Lisa. So Andy why don't we begin? What brings you here?"

Andy was immediately uncomfortable. She wanted to get up and storm out but she needed to keep her eye on the big picture. That picture was patrol, Andy couldn't be on desk duty from here to the end of time and even more so Andy couldn't be fired. She'd always wanted to be a cop. This was Andy's calling and she knew it so she'd do whatever the doctor wanted so she could get back into that car.

"I need to be here and talk to you so I can go on patrol again and work the streets."

The doctor nodded and scribbled something down in her notepad. Which made Andy even more uncomfortable than she was before. "Maybe you can tell me what I need to do so I can work on the streets again."

Dr. Forrest looked up from her notepad with an unimpressed look on her face. "It doesn't work like that Andy."

"I'm just saying it would be helpful to know what you're looking for so I know if I'm." Before Andy could finish her thought Dr. Forrest interrupted her.

"Andy you need to tell me what's going on, I can't tell you what to tell me. Furthermore I can't make you tell me anything if you don't want to talk we can just sit here in silence or you can leave. This is all up to you."

Andy sighed, she had no idea what to do. She didn't know what to say, and she was so uncomfortable she was unsure of even how to feel.

"So Andy you can begin whenever you're ready." Dr. Forrest said.

Andy looked down at the ground. She wanted to say something which shocked her, she just didn't know what to say or even how to say it. She'd never done this before, she spent much of her life cleaning up after her father's messes. Helping him deal with his problems that Andy hadn't even noticed that maybe she wasn't dealing with her own problems. Not that Andy would ever admit it.

"My uh—my partner went behind my back." Andy said in an effort to deflect from the real issues. All Dr. Forrest did was nod her head and scribble down stuff in her notepad. "Yeah, he um he went to our boss and said that I was having nightmares." The words escaped Andy's mouth before she had a chance to stop them.

_SHIT_. Andy screamed in her head. _What the hell Andy_.

She watched as Lisa's head jolted up and shot Andy an inquisitive look.

"Nightmares?" Lisa inquired.

"Yeah, but I'm not." LIE.. Andy said to herself. She wasn't about to look vulnerable in front of this stranger. It was hard enough to let Sam in and he betrayed her, he went behind her back. She couldn't afford to take the risk again, rather to make the mistake again.

Lisa shot Andy a look full of disapproval. Andy sunk in the chair a bit. Lisa didn't believe her, so Andy kept going. She had her story and she was going to stick to it. At least for now.

"I'm not." Andy insisted. "I trusted Sam and he went behind my back."

"How do you mean went behind your back?"

Andy groaned, she didn't want to talk about what was going on in her life. As for as Andy was concerned this was a huge waste of time. She could be out keeping the streets safe, hanging out with her friends, living life. This was just like getting a root canal. Andy hated every painful second of it.

"He went to Frank and told a bunch of lies."

"Are you sure they are lies?"

Andy nodded, "If they weren't lies do you think I'd say they were."

Lisa wasn't fazed by Andy's response. As such, Andy couldn't tell if she believed her or not.

"Fine then," Lisa said then continued. "You had a 911 call to your apartment a few days ago. What was that for?"

"What are you talking about?" Andy said trying to deflect again.

"There was a 911 call for a possible domestic disturbance. It was disregarded but I have a feeling something happened. Care to share what happened?"

"Not really." Andy said matter-of-factly.

Lisa closed her notebook and looked up at Andy with a sympathetic gaze. "Listen Andy I can't help you if you don't want to be helped. You don't want to be here, and that's fine. But let's not waste anymore time. You'll talk when you're ready. See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Andy asked confused. "I was kind of hoping we'd be done today."

"Andy," Lisa responded. "In order to get back on patrol you have to make progress you have to deal with everything that is going on. Everything that is making you on edge. All you've done is try to deflect everything." Lisa pointed at the door.

Andy got up and walked as quickly as she could out the door. She made her way to the locker room so she could pick up her bag. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go home right away so she decided to head to the penny for a drink. Maybe she could have five minutes of normal.

As soon as Andy walked into the Penny she could see everything was busy. No one stopped to take a look at her. Everything seemed normal. It was good. She took a scan around the room Gail, Dov, and Traci were sitting at a table with Chris who looked totally wiped. Noelle, Oliver, and Jerry were sitting at a table with Sam and Monica. Ugh.. Andy couldn't stand Monica she knew it wasn't her place. Sam was an adult and they certainly didn't have anything going on between them. Even though Andy had tried the night before. He shot her down, then went behind her back. She was so furious with him she didn't even realize she was clutching her bag so hard that her knuckles were turning white.

"Hey Andy," Dov said interrupting her thoughts. "You okay?" He said pointing to her hands. Andy looked down and she was slightly embarrassed.

Andy nodded, "Yeah I'm fine. Just had a rough day." She said and there she went again trying to deflect. Lucky for her Dov didn't think anything of it.

"Yeah desk duty is the worst. But until your side is fully healed they'll probably keep you on desk."

She nodded, "Yeah probably."

"You gonna join us?" Dov asked reaching for her bag.

"Yeah I am just going to the bar to get a drink, thanks." She said as Dov took the bag out of her hands.

Andy walked over to the bar. She kept looking back at Sam and Monica. Everyone at that table was laughing. She shouldn't be jealous, months ago she had made her choice to be with Luke. Now that that was over, it isn't like she could have expected that he'd be sitting around waiting for the day that she'd break up with Luke.

"Pfft." Andy said outloud without even realizing it.

"Excuse me?" The bartender said sounding offending.

"Sorry I didn't realize you were talking to me." Andy said apologetically, "My mind was somewhere else."

"Don't worry about it what can I get you?"

"Double scotch, neat." Andy said the bartender got her drink and she paid for it. She began walking to the table that was occupied by her fellow rookies. She looked back at Sam and their eyes met. Sam's eyes met Andy with an apologetic gaze while Andy's was cold and hard. She was still angry with him for going behind her back to Frank. She was angry that she had to sit in a room everyday for god knows how long and talk about her feelings. But she also didn't want to be mad at Sam. It was confusing.

"Woah take it easy McNally." Dov said pointing at her drink as she sat down.

Andy let out a small laugh. "Will do." The only seat that was left at the table was the one that was facing Sam. Andy wanted to down the drink and run out the door so she didn't have to watch Monica try and schmooze Sam back into whatever kind of stupid relationship they had before. It was stupid that's what it was.

"Hello earth to Andy." Traci said in a giggly tone. "What's with the look on your face?"

"What look?" Andy snapped back at her friend.

"Woah Andy calm down." Traci said sitting back in her seat a little. "What happened to you after shift? We are all curious. You came into the locker room and started banging stuff around. I'm kinda shocked you didn't take the door right off your locker."

Andy couldn't suppress the eye roll that came after that comment. Everyone at her table shot each other a concerned look. "Andy we are all worried about you." Traci said hoping that Andy would tell them what's going on.

"Yeah well don't be, I'm fine." Andy was annoyed. She couldn't hide it. At this point she wasn't sure if she wanted to hide it. Everyone was so concerned for her, everyone cared, but yet no one cared enough to let Andy just work through things her own way on her own terms.

"You don't seem fine." Gail said putting her two cents into the conversation.

"How would you know? You barely know me." Andy said hastily.

"Woah.. alright then. Chris you look tired I'm gonna take you home. You've had a long day." Chris and Gail got up from the table saying goodbye to everyone. Andy felt bad for snapping at her friend. She didn't want to be a bitch, she just hated everyone hovering over her asking her if she was okay making her talk to strangers about her deepest innermost thoughts and feelings.

"Andy you know you can trust us, talk to us right?" Dov said breaking the silence that had taken over the table.

Andy nodded. "I think I should just go home try and get some sleep. Get ready for more desk duty tomorrow." Andy down the drink in one gulp and got up from the table. "Sorry for being a bitch." Andy made her way to the door quickly. Drinking the strong drink so quickly made Andy feel a little bit tipsy. It was good though, took the edge off from the awful meeting she had with Dr. Forrest.

Sam watched as Andy got up from the table. He watched as she swallowed the large drink quickly. He watched as she made her quick exit from the bar. Monica was watching the look on Sam's face. He was in pain. He was in pain because Andy wouldn't talk to him anymore. He just got through her thick armour and she closed it right on his hands cutting them off, cutting her off from him.

Monica couldn't hide her disappointment. She wanted to be with Sam. Hell everyone at the table could see that. But Sam had been somewhere else the whole night. Not adding much to the conversation. Laughing when everyone else laughed pretending to keep face, making it seem like he was paying attention the whole time even though he wasn't.

"Go after her." Monica said weakly in a defeated tone.

Sam turned his head, and everyone at the table looked at her with a confused glare.

"Come on Sam, you get out from being undercover and you don't even tell me. I only found out the day of the blackout because I get called to check on your prisoners. You and her have something going on between you whether or not you want to admit it is up to you. Just go after her."

Everyone at Sam's table shot each other sceptical looks. They figured that she was talking about Andy. None of them would admit it but the tension between Sam and Andy had been the topic of many discussions behind Sam's back of course. Since they knew he'd never admit anything to them, even though seeing her with Luke had been killing him.

"Go Sammy." Oliver chimed in followed by Noelle and Jerry.

Sam got up from the table and made a b-line for the door.

Andy had made it half way out of the parking lot when a familiar voice shouted her name.

"ANDY." Sam shouted to her. He hoped that she would turn around. Talk to him, forgive him. He was turning himself inside and out and twisting himself in knots over his decision to go to Frank and tell him what he told him.

"Andy please I'm sorry."

Andy turned around the look on her face. The angry was almost palpable, but her eyes were filled with tears.

"Why don't you go back in there with your girlfriend you've made your choice Sam." Andy tried turning around but Sam stopped her.

"That's not fair Andy."

"You know what's not fair Sam? Do you?" Andy blinked and the tears she had been trying to fight made their escape from her eyes quickly falling down her cheeks. "I trusted you. I told you what was going on because I trusted you. You went behind my back, I thought we were. I thought. Anyway it doesn't matter because obviously you don't know me as well as I thought you did. Because if you really cared. If you really gave a damn like you say you do you'd know the last thing I want – no the last thing I need is sitting in some small room. Staring at some stranger telling her how I think and how I feel."

Every word cut through Sam. There was an ache in his gut. "I know you're mad at me. I know you feel betrayed. You've already made that clear. Andy you can trust me. This decision wasn't easy for me because I knew you'd be angry with me. But I had to do it, because I knew I couldn't help you."

Andy took in a shaky breath, she couldn't believe this. "I didn't ask you to help me."

"I know but I wanted to."

"Why?" Andy said afraid of what the answer might be.

"I want to help you because I care."

Andy rolled her eyes at Sam. This time it was his words who cut through her. She wanted him to admit the truth.

"Let me go Sam." Andy said as she broke her wrist free of Sam's grasp. "I threw myself at you last night. I was practically down on my hands and knees begging you to be with me. I thought that is what you wanted. I thought you wanted me, because.." Andy stopped. She wasn't going to open her heart to Sam again she couldn't. She turned around and began to walk really quickly out of the parking lot. Sam followed her. He wasn't going to let her walk away. He wasn't going to let her shut him out.

Sam grabbed her wrist again and Andy turned around. Tears had stained her face and Andy didn't care enough to wipe them away. "Because?" Sam asked her softly and gently.

"Because what?" Andy said fighting against her shaky tone from crying.

"You said I thought you wanted me because. Come on McNally finish your thought."

"Because I want you." Andy said and the two just stared at each other for a moment. Andy did the one thing she didn't want to do. She let him in. She opened her heart. Sam knew it was rare for her. She didn't even really let Luke in. He knew that, so there they were. Andy saying that if he said he did more than just care about her she would be with him.

"I want this too." Sam said honestly.

Andy smiled, even though she was still crying. Even though she was still angry with Sam.

Sam leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. But then pulled away. "I'm sorry that you feel betrayed, actually, I hate that you feel betrayed but I don't regret going behind your back to Frank."

Andy's eyes changed from anger to confusion. She took a couple of steps back. "Sam, I guess you don't really want this then." Andy turned around and instructed Sam not to follow her or she'd ask for a transfer.

Sam kicked the tire on his truck in frustration.


	10. Chapter 10

Andy hadn't slept much the night before after leaving Sam at the Penny. She wanted to run to his house and tell him she was sorry. But then in the same token she felt like she didn't have anything to apologize for. Traci and Andy stayed quiet as they changed and got ready for parade. Traci didn't want to push Andy.

They both walked to parade, quietly side by side. They walked right past Sam, who tried to stop her and talk to her but Andy just ignored him.

"McNally you're on desk. Stryker you're in the booking room again this time with Diaz. Epstein you're with Williams. Peck you're with Swarek. Nash you're with Shaw. Everyone serve, protect, and have each other's backs."

Frank handed out the assignments then he said, "McNally my office." Andy's heart sunk. She had been less than cooperative with Lisa the day before. She knew that that is probably what he wanted to talk about. Andy was angry with herself for being so stubborn. But she still didn't want to talk to Lisa about anything. Even though she knew her job was on the line.

"Take a seat Andy."

Andy sat down, she was just as nervous as she was yesterday in the room with Dr. Forrest.

"Before parade I had a conversation with the department psychiatrist, Dr. Lisa Forrest."

Andy shook her head confirming that she was listening intently.

"She informed me that you were reluctant to talk to her, she also mentioned that you felt like Officer Swarek went behind your back and told me that you were having nightmares. What gives you the impression that Officer Swarek has anything to do with this?"

Andy sighed. "He admitted to it." She replied quickly and honestly.

Frank nodded his head, "You do know how serious this is Andy. You're one of the best rookie's this division has had in a long time. I'd hate to see your skills wasted on desk duty, making calls, organizing files. You're smart Andy, you're quick, you see things differently, you're compassionate you empathize with everyone. We need cops like you working the streets. I'd hate to see your stubbornness get in the way of you being a great cop." Frank took a breath, Andy was about to interject when Frank raised his hand in the air for her to stop.

"I get it. Your father needed to see a shrink when he left the force after the Calisiak case. After everything that happened. I know he was hitting the bottle pretty hard. He refused to deal with everything that happened. He didn't forgive himself for what happened, he didn't forgive Calisiak either. But Andy, you are not your father. You are your own person, and you are your own cop. Like I told you yesterday the first time I had to talk to the department's psychiatrist I was reluctant I fought it at every turn until eventually I just started talking then I felt better. Andy, believe me, I know it's hard. But it really does help. I hope that you'll take my advice."

He waved her out of the room signalling that she was dismissed.

Andy went to the front desk, feeling rather defeated she sunk into the chair. Dreading the day ahead of her which would no doubt go as fast as a snail crossing a highway.

"Excuse me." A woman said to her at the front desk. Andy lifted her head, the woman looked confused. "How may I help you?"

"A detective Callaghan was trying to get a hold of me."

Andy nodded her head, she felt a twinge of pain for the woman. There were very few reasons Luke needed to get in contact with anyone. She had a feeling that this was a death notification.

"What's your name?"

"Julia Martinelli."

_Martinelli... that name sounds familiar. _Then it hit Andy, this must be Zoe Martinelli's mother. "Why don't you come with me." Andy said as she directed her to Luke's office.

Luke escorted the woman into his office but then went out in the hallway. "Andy wait." He said to her and Andy stopped in her tracks.

"I hope it's not out of line but I need you to do me a favour. It's a work favour."

Andy nodded her head, "Sure of course."

Great Luke said as he shot her a cautious smile. "I need you to call this number. It is a former cop, his name is Henry Conroy. He was Zoe Martinelli's training officer. I got a new lead on her case. He won't answer for me, so I figured maybe he'd answer for someone else."

Andy nodded and the two parted ways.

She dialled the number into the phone and it rang several times before going to voicemail. _"Henry Conroy, leave a message." _

Andy decided that leaving a message would be a good start. "Mr. Conroy this is Officer McNally, I'm calling on behalf of Detective Luke Callaghan. He wanted you to know there is a new lead in the Zoe Martinelli case. If you could give him or me a call back it would be appreciated."

"You should have been with us at the table at the penny last night with Andy." Gail said as she and Sam were riding in the car.

"What happened?" Sam asked in an unusually curious tone. He had been up pretty much the whole night worried sick about Andy. They hadn't left things on the best terms.

"She was in a super bitchy mood. She went off on us for pretty much everything we said. It was weird, very unlike her." Gail noted. She and Andy were fairly good friends even though neither would ever admit it. Sure Gail had her eyes on Swarek when she first joined the force, when they all became rookies together. But as soon as she saw that there was something between Sam and Andy she stopped. Then the thing with her and Chris started and she was happy with Chris. And Chris and Andy are so close, like brother and sister, that it was all Chris could talk about before they went to sleep. How Andy was acting, and how it was out of character for her.

"Oh yeah." Sam said he was still not very conversational, he didn't want to seem overly interested. But he was still worried and what Gail was saying just made it worse.

"Is Andy okay?" Gail asked him not sure if he would be willing to share the answer.

Sam just shrugged his shoulders and focused on the road. Silence took over the car. Gail awkwardly looked out of the passenger window. Until she couldn't handle the silence anymore.

"Did you do something to make Andy mad?" Gail said. "Because when I said act on it, I meant tell her you have feelings for her. Not go schmooze Doctor Monica at the Penny."

Sam turned his head to Gail looking at her for a moment before turning his head back to the road. "You could say that I did something to make Andy mad. But it doesn't have to do with Monica."

"What was it?"

"Can't talk about it."

"Sam."

"Peck, I can't talk about it." Sam said in a stern tone. Telling her that the conversation was over. He already went behind Andy's back to tell Frank. If he told Gail what was going on, he knew any chance of Andy forgiving him would be gone. He couldn't risk that.

A good two hours had passed since Andy made the phone call to the cop that Luke needed to talk to. Things at the front desk were moving so slow. It felt like she had been there for days. When really it was just a couple of hours. Andy had made all the calls that were required for other detectives, done checks on everyone that needed to sign in. Paperwork was all filed. So she decided to call Henry Conroy again.

This time he picked up the phone.

"Mr. Conroy, I'm Officer McNally."

"Yeah got your message earlier, you can tell Detective Callaghan to take a stick and shove it up his self righteous ass."

Andy shot up in her chair and shock took over her face.

"Excuse me sir?"

"Officer McNally you heard me. Tell that prick to leave me alone. I'm not helping him. He knows why, he made his bed now he can go and lie in it."

Andy was unsure of what to say. She was just glad she hadn't taken a drink of anything because if she had she would have probably choked on it.

"Sir, I am sure Detective Callaghan."

"Is a pig headed jerk. Yeah I know that already don't need you telling me."

Andy let out a breath she was unaware that she was holding.

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened between you and Detective Callaghan to make you have such a strong opinion about him?"

"If you read the Zoe Martinelli case files I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself. Now if you don't mind I have a life to get back to living. So if you all at the 15 could leave me alone from here til the end of time I'd really appreciate it."

The line went dead. Andy had a look of shock over her face. The shock hadn't faded since the guy said that Luke could take a stick and shove it up his ass.

"Andy." Luke said in an optimistic tone as he turned the corner to talk to her. "Have you been able to get in contact with Henry Conroy?"

All Andy could muster was to nod.

"Great tell me you were able to talk some sense into that guy. Is he coming in?"

And the only thing Andy could manage was to shake her head.

"What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"He said, that you can take a stick and shove it up your ass."

Luke sighed. "Great that guy is a self centered prick."

Andy gave Luke a gaze from his head to his toe. "He seemed to have that opinion about you. What happened?"

"Nothing, the guy just can't get over anything. It's not like it's my fault."

"Luke what did you do?"

"Nothing Andy." Luke's tone rose.

Things in the car had gotten really awkward between Sam and Gail. So when they saw someone trying to mug an elderly woman. They flashed on the lights.

"Sir stop this is the police." Gail said over the radio.

Sam bolted out of the car over to the guy. He sprinted. "Peck take the car." Sam yelled to her as he was running down the street after the guy.

"Police stop." Sam yelled. He turned onto Jarvis Street chasing after the guy. People were pretty much flying out of the way so they didn't get pushed over by the guy that Sam was chasing or by Sam himself. Gail was following in the car. Sam signalled to her to cut him off by putting the car in front of him so he'd smash into it.

Gail sped up lights and sirens going. She honked so people on the sidewalk would get out of the way then she pulled the car up, but her efforts were futile. The perp darted across the street. Sam darted out into traffic almost getting hit by a car. But he was determined to catch the guy. Gail pulled the car off the sidewalk and zoomed up the street after the mugger and Sam.

"Sir stop Police." Gail said over the radio. While Sam was yelling police.

Gail tried to stop him with the car again and this time it worked. He smashed right into the hood of the police cruiser, and Sam crashed right into him.

"Dispatch this is 1505 we have the suspect. Bringing him back to the barn." Gail said over her radio.

"1505 copy that."

They got the suspect into the car and headed towards the barn. Leaving the guy with Chris and Stryker Gail and Sam made their way to the front desk to get some forms where they heard Luke raising his voice to Andy.

"Nothing Andy."

"What's nothing?" Sam interjected into the conversation.

Luke looked over at him and the tension that was created in that moment could have been cut with a knife. It was no secret that Sam and Luke didn't get along, never got along, but they did their best to avoid one another. Even though they had to work with each other occasionally they did their best to be professional. Even though it didn't always work.

"None of your business Sammy."

"Don't call me that."

"Boys settle down." Gail said trying to diffuse the situation. "We are here to get some forms." Gail moved past Sam to the filing cabinets.

Sam and Luke stayed standing. Like they were fighting over the same territory, like they were dogs and had both found the same fire hydrant and were both peeing on it at the same time. Gail kind of wanted to hit them both upside the head to smack them out of it. But she knew that was a good way to get herself into trouble so she decided to stay out of it.

Andy was beginning to get uncomfortable. "It's not a big deal Sam. I was just asking Luke a question. If he doesn't want to answer it that's up to him." Andy shot Luke a look that now was a good time to leave but Luke didn't budge.

"Try calling Henry Conroy again and tell him it's urgent."

"Conroy huh.." Sam said just as Luke was about to leave.

"Sam stop it." Andy said softly so only Gail and Sam could hear her.

"Yeah Conroy." Luke said standing up to Sam.

"Bringing Andy into your problems now Callaghan?"

"No Sammy I asked her to make a call for me."

"Sam, Luke, stop it now. Please I'm begging you." Andy said glancing over at Gail with a look on her face that said HELP ME NOW.

"Well it's not like you should be surprised that Conroy isn't talking to you after what you did to him."

Luke rolled his eyes and turned around. "You destroyed the guys' reputation in the service and all you have to say for yourself is an eye roll. Real nice Callaghan."

"Sam stop it." Andy said again her eyes begging for Gail to back her up.

"Yeah guys really this isn't the time or the place." Gail said in addition to what Andy had previously said.

"You know what Sammy you don't know anything about being a detective. I was doing my job, which is more than I can say for what you're doing with Andy. Going to Frank and saying that she needs to talk to a shrink. Real nice." Luke said with anger in his words.

Andy's face flushed red with embarrassment. Everyone in the division knows that she's seeing a shrink. Gail's mouth practically dropped to the ground at what Luke had said. Andy felt the warmth of her cheeks. Sam turned to Andy absolutely floored by what Luke had said, he didn't know what to say to Andy. For once in his life, he was actually speechless and not by choice.

Andy's eyes began to fill with tears. She couldn't believe it. Frank, the doctor, and Sam were the only ones who should have known that she was going through the painstaking process of having to talk to a shrink. Now Sam was telling anyone with ears about it.

"Sam how could you?" Andy's voice was shaky and weak. Luke looked over at Andy and it was almost as if he forgot she was there. He saw the look on her face and for the first time he saw Andy in real pain. He felt guilty for making her feel that way but he had to put Sam in his place.

"Andy," Sam didn't know what else to say. Gail was watching the whole thing go down in shock. Luke was half angry with himself for hurting Andy but also kind of happy with himself because he knew that Sam and Andy wouldn't get together now.

"How could you? Isn't it bad enough you went behind my back? Now, what, you're telling everyone who will listen that I am going through the most humiliating time in my life?"

Frank saw the scene unfolding outside of his office and he got off the phone and ran to the door.

"Swarek, Callaghan, McNally, Peck. My office now." His voice boomed through the lobby making officers who hadn't even taken notice of what was going on turn their heads to see what all the commotion was about.

Everyone walked into Frank's office. Andy trying to fight her tears the whole way. She couldn't believe this was happening. She tried to gain control. She really did. She wanted nothing more than to make the tears go away but she felt so hurt. She had never been so hurt before in her whole life, not even when her father had let her down. She had been let down by him a lot.

"Well," Frank said he was irritated. "I just got off the phone with Conroy. Then I see you all in the middle of a confrontation I can only imagine the events are connected. Callaghan, I am going to have to get the Chief of D's involved in this. You were told to leave Conroy alone after what happened between the two of you. But before we even get into that, someone is going to tell me what happened out there. I can't have officers and detectives arguing and making working here difficult."

Andy was listening to everything that was going on but everything everyone was saying felt like it was distant. Far away, she was still in shock that Sam was going around and telling people that she was seeing a shrink.

"Peck I'll start with you. What happened?" Frank said sitting down in his seat and gesturing the four of them to sit down aswell."

"Well sir, Sam and I brought a mugger to the barn. We were going to the front desk to get some papers so we could fill out our report. Then Andy and Luke seemed to be having a pretty heated discussion about this Conroy guy. But then words were exchanged it was just a misunderstanding. Andy didn't know that she wasn't supposed to call Conroy. We didn't know either."

Frank knew that Peck wasn't being entirely honest with him. "You know you all better tell me what really went down out there. Now, or there will be serious repercussions I cannot have you making a tense working environment I won't tolerate it. Understood?"

Luke, Gail, and Sam all nodded their heads but Andy didn't. She was sitting in absolute shock. Tears had yet to escape her eyes all objects in her line of vision were blurred by the tears that threatened to escape. Frank looked over at her, intending to give her a look to imply she better nod in agreement now or else. That was until he saw the tears in her eyes and he realized that Conroy may have started the argument but something else went down out there. "Andy are you okay?" He asked her flashing the other three disapproving looks.

Andy nodded, which made Frank a little annoyed. He had already had the discussion with Andy earlier about her meeting with the shrink. He knew Andy wasn't okay and when Andy blink and tears fell from her eyes Frank had to do everything he could to control his anger and to not tell Andy to take the rest of the day off. He needed to get to the bottom of what happened.

Sam watched Andy as Frank asked he if she was okay. He felt his gut twist up into a million knots. Andy's head nodding. Sam knew she was trying to deflect. She would never admit to what happened. Sam didn't go around telling anyone that she was seeing the shrink. He had no idea how Luke even found out about it. It didn't make sense, normally stuff like that was kept quiet. It was only if it was ordered by IA did it start to make its way through the grapevine. Then he saw tears fall from Andy's face, and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Callaghan is going around telling everyone that Andy is seeing the department's psychiatrist." Sam said. Andy just kept her mouth shut she didn't know what to say. She was so angry with Sam now he was blaming Luke. No Andy you can't keep quiet you have to say something.

"Shut up Sam, don't blame this on Luke."

"What are you talking about Andy?" Sam said before Frank or anyone even had a chance to intervene.

"It's you, that's the only thing that makes sense. You knew, you went behind my back you betrayed my trust. You made me care about you, you made me let you in. You made me trust you, then you turn around and tell Frank that I'm having nightmares. How could you do that to me? You say you care and you're going around telling everyone that I'm going to see the shrink. You said you were sorry about it. Now this? How can I trust anything you say?" Everyone was starting to feel a little uncomfortable.

"Officer Peck you're dismissed. Don't say anything to anyone about what's going on in here. Go fill out your reports." Gail nodded, and left at Frank's request.

Luke, Sam, Andy, and Frank were left in the room. Andy was in tears sobbing each breath she took was audible to the men around her. Each shaky breath she took made the pit in Sam's stomach grow larger and larger. "Andy." He finally said. "I'd never do that to you. You have to know that. You know that right?"

"Sammy I have to agree with Andy on this one. It only makes sense that it was you." Luke chimed in and he was met with an angry gaze from Frank.

"Callaghan why don't you start by telling me your side of things." Frank said in an unimpressed tone.

"Well I had contacted Zoe Martinelli's mother telling her I had a possible new lead in the case. I wanted to ask her a couple of questions in relation to the lead. I had been trying to get in contact with Conroy to apologize about what happened between us before. I was wrong, and I should have never accused him of killing Zoe. I was too close to the case, I took everything personally and it probably cost us solving this case sooner." Luke admitted, not that he needed to make that revelation in the room. Sam figured it was just to stick it to him. An attempt to make him look bad in front of Frank. Sam knew Callaghan's game he probably didn't even feel bad about what he did to Conroy.

"Anyway, I asked Andy to contact Conroy thinking that he'd talk to her. He called her back and had some choice words for me. Andy asked what happened. I told her that it was nothing because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. It's the past. Then Sam came in and started making some wise ass remarks about how he wasn't surprised that Conroy wouldn't talk to me. Andy asked us to stop, we continued our banter. Then I told Sam that everyone knows what he did to Andy."

Luke shot Sam a smug look. It took everything for Sam not to rise from his chair and strike Luke to his ass. But he couldn't do that, it would hurt Andy. It would get him suspended and Luke would end up winning. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't give Callaghan the satisfaction of getting him an IA investigation.

"Alright Sam it's your turn." Frank said.

"Well Gail and I were going to the filing cabinets at the front desk to get some forms to fill out for our reports. Callaghan was getting angry with Andy he practically yelled at her when he said that what happened between him and Conroy was nothing. It's not like Andy could have known what happened. I'm sure she was just curious, and I am sure that Conroy did tell Andy that he had some choice words for Callaghan." Sam looked over at Andy. "Then I said something I shouldn't have to Callaghan. I stirred the pot about the Conroy issue. I'll admit it. I should have stopped but I didn't. I just hate it when Callaghan gets annoyed with Andy for no reason. Andy was asking us to stop and we should have listened to her and I regret not listening to her. Then Luke said something about it being his job and that that's more than he could say about what I was doing with Andy going behind her back and telling you about what was going on with her making her see the shrink. I don't know how Luke found out about that sir, but I swear I didn't tell a soul about it."

Andy turned her head for a moment to meet Sam's gaze. She saw the sincerity in his eyes but she didn't know what she could trust. She didn't know who she could trust. For the first time in a long time she just wanted her dad to tell her that everything was going to be alright. Sure that hadn't had her dad do that since right after her mother left. But she longed for that in the moment. She was feeling like she was stripped stark naked. Like she was the laughing stalk of the 15 division.

"Andy, are you going to be okay to tell me what happened? I can ask them to leave and we can do it in private if you prefer."

Andy shook her head. "I'll be fine sir." Her voice was weak, quiet. She continued telling how things happened in her own words with the same defeated tone.

"I had gotten off the phone with Mr. Conroy who said to tell Luke that he can take a stick and shove it up his ass. I was shocked by how much anger he had towards Luke. When I got off the phone with him Luke came around the corner to ask me if I had gotten a hold of him. I told him what Conroy said and then I asked Luke what had happened. He tried to brush it off and I should have dropped it. Luke got a little annoyed with me because I kept asking then Sam came, and asked what was going on. They started to exchange words about Conroy not saying what actually happened other than that Conroy's reputation in the service had been destroyed. I tried to get them to stop, Gail tried to get them to stop. Then Luke said the thing about Sam going behind my back."

Andy couldn't say another word more tears fell from her face, they were falling harder and faster. If Andy could have chosen any moment to crawl up into a ball or crawl into her bed and never leave again this would be the moment. She didn't know how she was going to face all the other cops in the service now. She was so humiliated.

Frank nodded. The three men watched as Andy just sat there in tears. It was it, Andy thought to herself, she really was nothing but a rookie with a trainwreck for an old man. She was letting her job get the best of her and her life get the best of her. She was her father's daughter.

"I don't know exactly what to make of this situation. Andy I am really sorry about what has happened. But you should know you have nothing to be ashamed of. Every cop in this division has had to see a shrink at one point or another. This is the first time you've had to go through this Andy, and it won't be the last. It's part of the job Andy, you've done nothing wrong." Frank cleared his throat.

"As for the two of you. I don't know quite what to say, I don't know who to believe. I'm getting sick of the tension the two of you bring to the department every single time you do so much as cross each other's paths. I'll figure out how people know that Andy has been seeing a shrink. I stand by my statement it's nothing to be ashamed of but gossip isn't something I want to encourage either. You two can consider this a formal warning, get into an argument like this again. You will both have a formal reprimand."

Frank reached for his phone. "Callaghan you're dismissed. You can go to the Chief of D's office. I'll call him now to let him know you are on your way."

Luke got up and left the office. "As for you Swarek. I have my eye on you, don't let this happen again. Gain some control of what comes flying out of your mouth. You two are dismissed. Andy take your break now."

The two left the office. Andy wanted to get out of there as fast as she could, and she walked through the bullpen and to the locker rooms. Sam was on her heels the whole time. He wanted her to know that he'd never go and tell everyone that she had been seeing a shrink. He would never hurt her like that.

Andy walked into the locker room and immediately made her way to the bench she sat down and began to cry. She hadn't cried this hard since the night that she had shot the guy during the heatwave, the night of the black out.

Sam walked right in after her. "Andy hear me out please."

"Sam please leave me alone."


	11. Chapter 11

"Andy please hear me out."

"Sam please leave me alone."

Sam wanted to respect her wishes, he really did but he also knew if he walked out that door he'd never get another chance to tell Andy how he feels. Never get another chance to tell her that it wasn't him. Never get another chance to tell her that he cared so much about her that this was killing him. Her being so mad at him was tearing him in two.

"No, I won't leave you alone Andy. I'll keep trying until you get it through your head that I am not trying to hurt you. I'd never intentionally hurt you. I'm not going anywhere Andy."

Andy curled her hands into fists. She was crying hard she didn't want to listen to Sam talking to her. She had no desire to hear what he had to say. She wanted to stop crying in front of him to stop looking vulnerable but she couldn't stop. She was so humiliated, angry, and embarrassed she just couldn't stop.

"Sam just go, you've said what you have to say. Just leave me alone."

"No, Andy you need me." Sam walked over to sit beside her on the bench and she slid herself over to put distance between them. It hurt Sam, but he didn't move over. He knew it would just agitate her further. He didn't want to make her any angrier or upset than she already was.

"How am I supposed to believe you Sam? You've already gone behind my back. You said you did, you admitted it. How can I believe that you didn't do it this time too?" Andy said looking at the ground avoiding any kind of eye contact with Sam.

"Because I didn't do it Andy, I could never do something like that to do. I know how hard this is for you going and talking to that doctor. You don't let anyone in, you're afraid to get hurt and by going to Frank I hurt you. I'm sorry for that Andy, I really am but like I said last night I don't regret it. If I could take the pain that you're feeling away I'd do it Andy because you mean that much to me. You being mad at me, it hurts. Whenever you get mad at me it hurts. I've twisted myself into knots about going to Frank, about your reaction. You know I'm not the best when it comes to talk about my own feelings. But what I'm about to tell you Andy, I mean it. I want you to look at me and I want you to listen to me."

Andy kept her head turned to the ground. She wasn't ready to look at Sam after what went down in Frank's office.

"Andy look at me." Sam said to her again hoping that she'd give in and look at him. But Andy kept to her guns and kept looking at the ground. So Sam took matters into his own hands he quietly slid down the bench closer to Andy even though he figured it would just make her mad. He placed his hand on her chin and turned her head to face him. "Andy I care, because I love you."

That is exactly what Andy wanted to hear the night before, but today she wasn't sure if that is what she wanted to hear. Sure she had those feelings for him too. If it were yesterday she would have said it back to him without any hesitation, even though she was mad at him yesterday. But today with everything that has happened. With everything that had transpired she just didn't know if she could let him into her heart again. It was too risky.

"I need to get back to work." She said to Sam. His heart felt like it feel through his feet and into the floor. He just nodded.

"Alright, but I'm not giving up Andy. I'll never give up." He got up and left.

Andy leaned back and rested her head on a locker. After a good 10 minutes she was finally able to gain control of her tears and stop crying. She wiped her face off, and put on some makeup to cover up the red blotches on her face from crying and made her way back out into the bullpen.

She was half way through the bullpen when Luke stopped her. "I'm really sorry you had to find out about Sam that way." He said to her. Andy knew that if she started talking about this again she'd cry again. She looked to her left and Gail and Sam were sitting at their desks filling out paperwork.

"Luke I can't talk about this right now." She said hoping he'd just leave her alone but her efforts were in vain. He brought up the issue again.

"I know Best overreacted a little I mean it isn't our fault that Sam can't keep his mouth shut."

"Are you sure it's Sam who can't keep his mouth shut?" Andy said to him hoping that would shut him up so she could get through the rest of her shift go to the awful meeting with the shrink and then go home to crash on her bed for the rest of the night.

"What are you implying Andy?" Luke asked her.

"Frank said anything more like this. This thing between you and Sam and you'd get a formal reprimand. If I were you I'd spend my time worrying about that and not about your ex. Because that is what we are Luke we are ex's. I don't want you to put your nose in what is going on in my life. I can handle it. You didn't take the time to care about my feelings when we were together, so I'd like you to keep not caring not that we aren't together anymore. Now I have work to do, and so do you."

Andy turned around and quickly made her way to the front desk leaving Luke in her dust.

As soon as she got there the phone rang.

"Officer McNally metropolitan police how can I help you."

"Yes, Miss I am Georgia Theodore. Someone broke into my garden and stole my vegetables." An elderly woman barely audible said on the other end of the line.

"Mrs. Theodore did you call 911?"

"Oh yes of course dear but they didn't believe me. People shouldn't be allowed to do that break into people's back yards and get away with it."

"Of course not Mrs. Theodore, what kind of vegetables were stolen?"

"A whole vine of my tomatoes, and carrots."

"Well Mrs. Theodore, if your vegetables turn up we'll give you a call."

"Thank you dear."

Andy hung up the phone and leaned back in the chair she was sitting in. The rest of the time went by slowly until it was the end of her shift. Like the night before she went into the locker room, and got changed then she threw her bag into her locker and made her way to the room where she was supposed to meet the shrink.

Andy immediately felt uncomfortable when she entered the room. Everything was tense and awkward. She didn't know what to do to get herself back on patrol, but now she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back on patrol. If she went back on patrol she'd be stuck in a car with Sam for 10 hours everyday. Right now she just wanted to avoid talking to Sam, hell she wanted to avoid looking at Sam.

"So Andy, I understand there was a situation during your shift today. Want to talk about that?"

"Not really." Andy replied quickly.

"I heard Sam had something to do with it. Want to talk about him?"

"Not if I can help it." Andy retorted in an annoyed tone.

"Nice weather we've been having."

"Depends on your definition of nice, and what does that have to do with anything?"

"Alright I can't help you Andy if you don't want to help yourself." Lisa said in an unprofessional frustrated tone. "It didn't take me long to realize that you find it hard to let people in. You put up walls and an effort to keep people out. You have been stung pretty badly in the past. You don't want to tell me anything because you are afraid that I am going to somehow hurt you. You are using what is going on with this as an excuse to cut this Sam guy out of your life. Now you are trying to convince yourself that you don't want to work the streets again because of what happened earlier because you don't want to deal with what is going on."

Andy sat in her chair silent. Lisa waited for Andy to make a comment, some kind of witty or smug retort like she had been doing. But nothing.

"I'm going to take your silence to mean that I'm right."

All Andy did was sigh.

"You know your Staff Sergeant thinks that you are quite the cop. He told me that he really wants you to open up so he can get you back on patrol – working the streets."

"Yeah I know," Andy turned her head slightly she couldn't hide the fact that she was very uncomfortable.

"Andy why don't you tell me what about this is making you feel so uncomfortable."

"I hate talking about my feelings, I can deal with this on my own."

"Alright we are done for the day," Lisa said as she, "I hope you break down those walls and let someone in because it's worth the risk Andy."


	12. Chapter 12

Andy walked to her apartment after the session with Dr. Lisa Forrest. The whole way home what Lisa had said to her just before she left did nothing but echo in her head. _"I hope you break down those walls and let someone in because it's worth the risk Andy." _What did she mean by that? I mean other than the obvious insult to Andy's character.

"Shut off your brain Andy," she muttered to herself softly. Between not being sure if she could trust Sam, wanting to punch Luke in the face, not being able to have girls night with Traci because of Dex, couldn't even talk to her own father. Frank having her on desk. Andy didn't even bother to change into pyjama's. Right after walking into her apartment she dropped her bag and walked over to her bed.

Andy flopped down in her bed, shut her eyes, and quickly fell asleep.

_Let someone in Andy. Let someone in. _

"_AAAHH" Andy shot off her gun and there was the guy the suspect lying dead on the floor. Three bullet wounds to the chest curtisey of Andy's glock nine. He was staring up back at her. _

_Everything around her was dark. She turned to the left. _

"_Really, all I see is a piece of strange tress passing on my property I've got no option but to shoot."_

"_Let's hope they leave out the part where two rookies from 15 put a civilians' life in danger to make the bust, and you almost got yourself killed in the process. Nice work."_

"_Yeah cause you don't need anything or anyone."_

"_Officer McNally I need to understand how the hostage situation developed." _

"_I forgot to load my gun."_

"_Why did you let Nash dangle back there?"_

"_You need to stop Sam's car, if he gets to Burgen he's made, they're gonna kill him."_

"_Officer in jeopardy move in now."_

"_One victim DOA shot in the chest." _

_No, this can't be happening. Sam can't be dead. Sam cannot be dead. _

"_We have an undercover cop in the building, repeat, an undercover cop in the building." _

_SAM. No please dear got let Sam be okay. Andy got out of the car when they arrived on the scene. That god damn yellow sheet. Sam cannot be under there it can't be Sam. Boyd pulled back the sheet to reveal the person under it and it was Sam. _

"_McNally you should have had my back."_

"_You should have saved Swarek's ass."_

"_Hey you didn't have his back."_

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

_Andy fell to the ground. _

"_Officer down, lie back, lie back."_

"_She's dead."_

"NOOOOOO." Andy jolted up in her bed. She ran her fingers through her hair. She turned her head half expecting Sam to be there. But she was alone in her apartment. She turned her head the other way to look at the clock. It was 3 am. Andy sighed and pulled her feet over the side of her bed. She turned off her alarm, walked to her kitchen table to grab the keys she had thrown on it earlier.

Andy walked out the door, locking it behind her. Then she walked out of the building. Andy wasn't sure where she was going she just knew she had to get there now. The Penny was closed so she wasn't going there. She definitely had no intention of walking half way through town just to solidify that her dad was actually in rehab. She started walking faster, looking at every house every apartment building on her route. Andy wasn't even sure where we feet were taking her she was just going along for the ride. Not overthinking it.

_Andy where are you going?_ She thought to herself.

Then there was the door, the door she hadn't walked up to the doorstep she hadn't dawned since the night of the blackout. Sam's car was in the driveway. Andy wasn't sure why she had shown up here. She was just walking. Maybe what the doctor had said got to her. She had cut Sam out, pushed him away. She'd admit it to herself. Not out loud, not to the doctor. But it was an admission nevertheless. Andy looked down at her watch it was 3:30 am. Sam was probably asleep.

Andy walked up to the door anyway, it was like she couldn't control her feet. She had no control over what was going on. Next thing she knew she was on the steps in front of his door. She raised her hand and knocked on the door. She waited for a few minutes.

She knocked again. _What the hell are you doing Andy? After everything you said to Sam you're probably the last person he wants to see especially at three thirty in the morning. You should leave. Leave damn it_. But she didn't turn around didn't budge, she just knocked on the door again.

"I'm coming what the hell is your problem?" She heard his voice, it was raspy you could tell he had just got woken up.

When Sam had gotten home after a couple of drinks at the Penny he wanted to go to Andy's. He wanted to tell her that he loved her again. He was hoping that she'd say it back to him this time. When she didn't say it back it crushed his heart into a bunch of tiny little pieces. He kind of felt stupid, so he decided even though he was intent on not giving up he also needed to give Andy a little space to think things through. Maybe she'd let him back in. Maybe she'd trust him again or at least talk to him about anything again. Even after the blackout things weren't this awkward between them.

Sam groaned, how did his life come to this? Waiting around for Andy to be ready to be with him, normally it was the other way around. Clearly Monica hadn't gotten over the relationship they had before he went undercover; before he met Andy. Andy McNally turned his life upside down, and Sam was just along for the ride loving every second of it. Even when it hurt him.

Sam threw some clothes in the laundry, and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. He sat down on the sofa turned on the TV to watch the eleven o'clock news. But it just fell on deaf ears, Sam could only focus on Andy. His mind was racing, and he was beginning to feel a little bit like her overthinking everything.

Sam walked upstairs took off his black t-shirt, his jeans, and put on some pyjama bottoms. He crawled into his bed. Hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. Maybe things would turn around.

There was a knock at Sam's door, it woke him up. He looked over at his alarm clock it was three thirty in the morning. Who the hell would be at his door this early?

He rolled back over in bed hoping that whoever it was would just go away. Get the hint. Sam closed his eyes but before he could even fall asleep again whoever it was knocked on her door again. Sam moaned loudly and rolled out of bed.

He was half way down the stairs when whoever it was knocked again. Sam turned on the light for the foyer. "I'm coming what the hell is your problem." Sam groaned sleepily as he made his way down the rest of the stairs. He came to the door and he opened it. He blinked twice, rubbed his eyes and looked again. She was standing there, it was Andy.

"Andy," Sam said softly to her still unsure if this was really happening. Sometimes dreams can be this real, right? Sam almost pinched himself to make sure that this was actually happening.

"Sam." Andy replied weakly in return. She tilted her head to the side, shrugged her shoulders, and let out a weak smile. "I'm sorry." Andy had no idea what she was doing. She didn't know why she was apologizing she just was. She had been difficult sure, but she had told herself, rather, demanded herself to not mutter any of this to anyone.

Sam nodded, his eyes his dark brown eye gazing back at her. With that soft sympathetic look. "You wanna come in?" Sam asked her, "It's cold."

Andy walked in, and Sam closed the door behind her.

"Andy it's three thirty in the morning. What's going on?"

"I had another nightmare."

"You okay?"

Andy shook her head no.

"You were right to go to Frank. I was wrong Sam, I was wrong. But it doesn't mean I like it. I hate sitting in that room, talking to her."

"Andy." Sam said hoping that she'd listen to him let him talk maybe even get back to being at least friendly.

"No Sam, please let me finish. I'm sorry for shutting you out you were just trying to help me and I shouldn't have been so harsh with you. I shouldn't have been so. I should never have accused you of telling everyone. I know you'd never do that to me. I am just angry because it seems like everytime I do anything I just mess it up."

"Andy you don't." Sam said interrupting her but that didn't faze Andy.

"Earlier you said that you loved me. Do you really?" Andy was afraid of what would happen if Sam shook his head no. Or if he said that it wasn't true that he didn't love her. Andy was opening up, listening to the doctor. Taking the risk, she just hoped that it really would be worth it.

"Yeah," Sam shook his head then continued, "I do. I love you. Have for a while."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were with Callaghan seemed to be happy. I just wanted you to be happy even if that meant being with Luke."

"I love you too." Andy said. "I was just afraid, to admit that I was attracted to you because I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. But then you were there you've been there - when he wasn't when no one else was. "

Silence fell between them for a moment.

"Ask me to stay." Andy said breaking the silence.

"Stay." Sam replied and they both went upstairs.


	13. Chapter 13

Andy and Sam woke up to the sound of Sam's alarm clock. She had her head placed on his chest. Andy could have stayed there all day. She had slept through the rest of the night, only waking up one more time because of the nightmares. Sam had wrapped his arms around her after it happened. Told her that it was okay, that no one thought she was a bad cop. Everyone was impressed at how she handled herself during the undercover op. He also apologized for her being shot at the house call that had taken. Andy told him he had no reason to be sorry. He did it so quickly, and it looked like he was about to drop the gun.

"Thank you Sam, for everything." Andy said to him as she sat up in his bed. It felt comfortable, when she was with Luke nothing ever felt comfortable. Even past boyfriends, nothing ever felt right. But being here with Sam, in his place, in his arms. It was right.

"Don't mention it," Sam said, "I'd crawl over broken glass for you. We're partners."

"No," Andy said making Sam give her a questioning look. "We're more than partners."

They both flashed each other a smile.

"I need to go home and get my things before shift." Andy said running her fingers through her hair. "And have a shower."

Sam nodded, "Just uh—give me 20 minutes to get ready and I'll take you to your place. You can take a shower here if you want." Sam said smiling at her with a goofy look on his face that made Andy laugh.

"And what, change back into dirty clothes?"

"So, we didn't exactly have a good meeting the last time you left here."

Andy sighed at what Dr. Forrest said.

"You know Andy, at some point I am going to have to fill Staff Sergeant Best about what happens during our sessions. I want to help you Andy, but I can't help you if you don't want the help."

"I wouldn't say it was that bad." Andy retorted thinking of how the night's events unfolded. She even smiled, Dr. Forrest was a bit surprised at her reaction.

"You weren't exactly cooperative, so I can only assume this had something to do with what I said before you left. About breaking down your walls letting someone in. Did you let someone in?"

Andy nodded, still flying pretty high about what had happened the night before. She had admitted she was in love with Sam. She spent the night with him.

"Who?"

"Sam."

"Why don't you tell me about Sam."

"He was my training officer pretty much from the beginning. Now we are partners."

"Maybe more than partners?" Lisa asked trying to get Andy to give up something, anything.

"I've had feelings for him for a while." Andy said honestly, this had nothing to do with her nightmares or anything that brought her here. She was excited about what happened with Sam last night and even though she didn't know this lady from a hole in the ground she wanted to express how excited she was about being with Sam.

"But um, I didn't get together with him or anything. Until last night."

"Last night?" Lisa inquired, "You seemed pretty angry with this Sam when we last spoke."

Andy nodded, "I wasn't really mad at him. I mean I was but I wasn't. It's complicated."

"How is it complicated, you either are or you aren't."

"Are or aren't what?"

"Mad at him Andy. Explain why it was complicated. Tell me more about your relationship with Sam."

"Well," Andy began, "When we first met. He was working undercover. I didn't know it was my first day on the job. I arrested him, accidently got his cover blown. At first I thought that he was just a jerk. Then the next day we got partnered together and he became my training officer. Saw a whole other side to him, he's really sweet. Can be really sweet. But I didn't see what was right in front of me then. Instead I started seeing Luke Callaghan, he's the lead detective of 15's homicide task force. There was a mutual attraction there. It was easy, simple. I cared about Luke, Luke cared about me. Sam and I we got closer became better friends. Then the week of the really bad heat wave, we found this thirteen year old girl driving an ice cream truck. Sam cut his hand when he broke in the window. Had to get stitches so I rode with Oliver Shaw for a little while to Garrison Park. Then the blackout happened. Saw this patch of fresh tar, the girl who was riding the ice cream truck had tar on her feet. So we walked over to it, then went into this rec center that was closed for renovations. We split up, then Sam found out the girl had been running away from a guy. I heard gun shots, the guy who tried to take the girl tried to kill Oliver. He took the bullets to his vest he was fine. But I had to go and follow the guy into the basement. Shot at him, killed him. Saved a girl's life. Luke was supposed to come over to my place that night then he volunteered to be on the case. Couldn't believe it. He chose work over me, I mean he'd been doing it since we started dating. We had a fight about this witness that had a bullet in his brain. Sam was there to help me then. Then the night of the black out, Luke was supposed to be there right? I mean we were dating but it wasn't him it was Sam. Sam offered to talk to me if I needed to talk. But I told him I was fine, I wasn't but he gave me space. I went home cried. Then I went to Sam's, he asked me if I wanted to talk I said no. Pinned him against the wall. Almost slept with him. But the lights came back on."

"The lights came back on?"

"Yeah, and Luke called. I snapped back into reality. So I left went back to my place."

Dr. Forrest nodded as she scribbled stuff hurriedly in her notebook. Andy wasn't sure how fast she had been talking. It's not like rambling was something Andy rarely did.

"Keep talking." Lisa said waving her pen at Andy.

"Yeah, right." Andy said, "Well I didn't see Sam for the whole week after that. Then my first shift back after the shooting. I planned on talking to Sam about what happened see where he stood on it. But then he said that it was no big deal. That it was what it was. Whatever that means, it hurt."

"Why did him saying that hurt you?" Lisa interrupted.

"I guess because it wasn't what it was, at least to me."

Lisa looked down at her watch. "We'll have to leave it at that for today. You have to go on shift. We'll meet again tomorrow. It was a good session today Andy. You opened up. It looks like this Sam guy, is a good influence."

Andy furrowed her eyebrows after that statement. Influence, that was a bit of an odd word to place on her relationship with Sam.

"We'll pick up from here tomorrow. Have a nice day Andy."

Andy walked into the parade room. Because of the session with Lisa she barely made it in the nick of time. Frank was already in the room and was about to start. He didn't even acknowledge her when she walked into the room. Which caused her friends to shoot each other looks. Gail knew what was going on though, but acted like she didn't. Just simply shrugging her shoulders then looking forward.

"Alright, we are looking for this man." Frank held up a picture while packages were being passed around. "His name is Collin Emerson, he's 28, no priors. He's wanted for questioning in connection to the murder of Zoe Martinelli. Detective Callaghan prepared the packages that are being handed out, they have a list of all former and current addresses, his employment history, list and addresses of all known associates and family members. Let's find this guy. Yesterday."

Frank took a breath before telling everyone who they were going to be partnered with.

"Peck you're with Swarek, Diaz you're on desk with McNally, Nash you're with Williams, Epstein you're with Shaw. Serve, Protect, and let's solve this thing."

Everyone in the room got up, Chris was back earlier than everyone expected him to be. He was doing work in the barn though until he got back to being 100 per cent. Andy was slightly jealous, he didn't have to talk to a shrink about what was going on in his life. He just had to sleep and recover. Andy had to bare her soul to a stranger.

"So what happened with you the other night at the Penny?" Chris said as they sat down in the chairs at the desk.

"What?" Andy asked having completely forgotten about it.

"You were on edge, you practically jumped down Traci and Gail's throats."

Andy immediately remembered, she had been a bitch that night. She was still angry about everything. At the time she was, she was still bothered by having to talk to the shrink. But she wasn't angry like she was.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Will you tell Gail I'm sorry about that?"

"Yeah sure, you know you can." But before he could finish his sentence Luke came barrelling around the corner with Detective Barber.

"Alright Diaz, McNally," Luke started. "Our guy has hit the media. People are going to be calling in with tips. Most of them are going to be crap. We want you to keep us updated, anything you think might be solid we want to know so we can follow up on it. Understood?"

Chris and Andy both nodded. Jerry and Luke made their way to their offices.

"Like I was saying. You are like a sister to me Andy. We're friends if there is something going on you can tell me about it."

Andy appreciated how sweet Chris was. He was always nice to everyone even when they didn't deserve it.

"Thanks Chris, I really appreciate that."

"So how are things with you and Andy?" Gail asked with genuine concern in her tone.

"Fine." Sam said it was honest but Gail couldn't have known that.

"Really? That was a pretty intense meeting with Sarg yesterday. Then when you came back from following Andy to the locker room you were pretty."

"Thank you," Sam interrupted. "I try to be pretty all the time."

Gail couldn't help but laugh at Sam's lame attempt at humour.

"You know what I mean Sam, you were pretty easily agitated the rest of the day. You didn't talk much. I'm just saying, I get why you went to Frank."

"Really," was all Sam could muster in response.

"Andy will forgive you, like I said the other day she likes you."

Sam looked over at Gail and the two fell silent. Sam already had Andy's forgiveness. Part of him wanted to tell her but what happened between himself and Andy was no one's business.

"Oh my god!" Gail exclaimed. "She already forgave you didn't she? Smooth Swarek, Smooth."

Sam didn't say anything he just smiled. "You must have done some pretty smooth talking to get Andy to forgive you so quickly. She was pissed."

Sam didn't say anything about Gail comments. He just turned his head and smiled, thinking about how he woke up that morning with Andy in his bed. "Why don't we just focus on the job."

"Alright then." Gail replied. She didn't need to be told twice to stop.


	14. Chapter 14

The shift ended up with no leads on the guy homicide was looking for. Andy was ready to peel off her uniform and go down to the Penny. For the first time in a while Andy was starting to feel okay. Andy didn't even make it half way through the bullpen before Luke called her into his office. She didn't really want to talk to him after the confrontation that happened yesterday, and now that things were okay with Sam again. Better than okay with Sam again.

"Didn't get any solid tips?" He said as she walked into his office.

"No, nothing."

"Andy about yesterday about what's going on between us."

"Luke, there is nothing going on between us. What happened yesterday I'd like to try and forget about it." _Well not all of it_. Andy thought to herself.

"Well I think we need to talk about it, Andy if you thought I never cared about how you felt. I want you to know that – I did care. I do care. I care a lot Andy."

The door to Luke's office was open and before responding she looked out of it and there was Sam looking at her with a confused look. She wanted to go out and talk to him. But she knew that if she left Luke's office he'd just follow her and they'd get into a middle of a confrontation. If they got into a confrontation Andy might never get to work the streets again. She couldn't risk that.

"Andy, please say something." Luke said snapping Andy out of her thoughts.

"Luke we are done we're over I thought I made what I want clear to you. I just – I can't be second fiddle to the job. To your job. I know you don't want to admit it and that's fine but you always chose the job over me."

"What about what happened yesterday you saying that you couldn't be sure if I was the one who said that you were seeing the department's shrink or not. You really don't think I'd go around telling everyone that right?"

Andy took a deep breath in, what the hell was Luke thinking bringing all this up at work of all places.

"I don't know Luke. But I do know one thing."

"What's that?"

"It wasn't Sam, he wouldn't do that to me."

"What's going on between you and Swarek you never did tell me what happened that night. The night you said nothing happened. Swarek told me that he tried something and you turned him down."

Andy took a step back not sure of what to think of that. She just wanted this awkward conversation to be over.

"Wait a minute, you're telling me you didn't believe me. The person who you were supposed to love but Sam comes to you tells you nothing happened. The same thing I said and you believed him but not me. Real nice Luke."

Luke scoffed at what Andy said. "Listen Andy that's not important, I've been thinking about our break-up and I was thinking maybe it was a bit premature. I mean we were moving fast. We could put a hold on you moving in but we could get back on track. What do you think?"

"No." Andy replied more sure of that one single word than she had been of anything in her whole life.

Luke looked surprised which just made Andy angry. What did he expect for him to flash his charming dopey smile and she would be like putty in his hands?

"What?" he finally managed to say.

"Luke what did you expect I mean honestly, after that little show you put on with Sam yesterday. I mean up until then I thought you were fine with our break up. We left things on good terms, I thought you understood." With every single word she muttered Andy's tone became harsher and louder. "I thought you understood where I stood. When I said you were a good guy I meant that Luke, but this little act you have going on right now. It isn't you Luke, and it doesn't look very good on you."

"Well don't spare my feelings."

Andy rolled her eyes at him, "Luke I don't regret being with you. I really don't but we were never meant to last. You have all these plans Luke. All these really great plans I am just not the girl who is going to share them with you Luke."

"But you could be." Luke replied in a desperate tone.

"No," Andy shook her head for a moment. "No I can't be the girl that you share that house with. I can't be the girl who you share those plans with. I care about you Luke." She watched as a little bit of hope spread on his face, she felt bad as she watched it crush with her next three words. Which she said like each word was its own sentence. "Like. A. Friend."

Luke nodded his head. "So I guess it really is all over."

Andy shrugged her shoulders. "We can be friends, but, nothing more. Like I said before you are going to make some girl really really happy Luke. I'm just not that girl."

"Fine, but will you be honest with me Andy? If I ask you this question I need you to be honest with me."

Andy reluctantly nodded.

"What really happened with you and Swarek on that mysterious night in question?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Andy please."

Andy took a deep breath and started to walk out of Luke's office. He began to follow her all the way out into the bullpen.

"Andy wait."

They immediately attracted the attention of the other officers who were working in the room. Including Sam, who had changed and had been talking to another officer.

"Luke please stop it, it doesn't matter. Just let it go." Andy said softly so only he could hear. "I really want to go and get changed can you just let this go? It's over Luke, accept it and move on."

"Fine Andy if that's how you want to play it. Fine whatever." Luke threw his hands in the air turned around and stormed back to his office.

Andy felt embarrassed; her cheeks got warm and flushed red. Her eyes began to fill with tears. She walked through the rest of the bullpen to the hallway. She just wanted to get to the locker room. Sam had followed her but she didn't even realize it. She slammed the door to the locker room open. Thankfully it was empty. Andy took a deep breath in trying to suppress her tears. She knew that this would get back to Frank. I mean how could it not? She didn't expect anything different. Thanks to Luke, she was going to continue to be the topic of more water cooler discussion.

"Andy, talk to me what happened back there?" Sam's soft voice boomed behind her.

She turned around, walked over to him and hugged him wrapping her arms around his waist. She felt his arms wrap around her. She just let the tears fall from her eyes and soak into his shirt.

"Andy are you gonna be okay?"

Andy let out a soft sob and shook her head. "I don't know. I just wish I could crawl under a rock and never come out. Everyone in the division is going to know about that little outburst with Luke by the morning. Between that and everyone already talking about me going to see the shrink I'll never not be the topic of the divisions' gossip again."

"Andy no one is talking about you behind your back." Sam said to her reassuringly.

"Yeah right." Andy said through her tears. "Everyone is talking about me how else would Luke have known about the shrink if someone hadn't seen me leave her office and started gossiping about it. Maybe Detective Bibby was right. Maybe I'm just some hot shot rookie with a train wreck for an old man, nothing but a tube of lipstick and a badge."

"Stop, don't ever say that again." Sam said to her moving his hand to her face and lifting her head to make her look at him. "Don't you ever say that again. Derek Bibby is an asshole, and Callaghan he's no better. You are an amazing cop Andy, and you're more than that. You are an amazing person, anyone who doesn't see that Andy, anyone who takes advantage of your good nature is an idiot. An oblivious idiot."

A smile brightened Andy's face. "See, that's why I love you. You always have my back and you say just the right thing." Andy reached up and gave Sam a soft kiss on the lips.

"And that McNally is why I love you." Sam said to her after they pulled away from the kiss.

"So Andy McNally how would you like it if I take you home?"

"I'd like that a lot."


	15. Chapter 15

"Andy, yesterday we left off with you talking about your relationship with Sam. Why don't we start where you left off?" Lisa waved her hand to signal Andy to start talking.

"Sure," Andy responded. "Well, there was tension between Sam and me after I came back. After he said what he said."

"Right," Lisa interrupted, "When he said what happened during the night of the blackout was what it was."

Andy nodded to confirm, "I was still with Luke. I didn't break up with him, and I might have but Sam wanted to brush off what happened and act like it never happened. So I did the same thing. We weren't partnered together that day. It was uh – senior officer retraining day. I caught a case that day that involved a dirty cop. I can't talk about the specifics of the case because of the internal affairs investigation, anyway, I went to Sam. I was going to tell him what was going on. But he made some remark about me going to Luke's fishing cabin. So I decided not to tell him, not the best decision I've ever made but his comment just made me feel like crap. He apologized later for not listening to me when I came to him. But I was angry so I went to the fishing cabin to spite him."

"This is good Andy, keep going."

"Yeah, then um. We had a difference of opinion about this kidnapping case. It wasn't a big deal or anything. Things between us were – still – you know awkward after the whole black out then what happened on retraining day. Before I went on shift the night before I had a girls night type thing with my friend Traci. I told her about what happened with Sam, and I told her I was going to tell Luke about it. But then she said I couldn't tell Luke not after I had gone to his cabin. I was going to choose Luke after everything that happened because things with him were simple."

"As opposed to complicated with Sam?"

"Yeah," Andy continued, "Anyway, during the girls night. Traci got me to write Sam's name down on a sticky note and put it in a jar of water and put it in the freezer. She called it putting him on ice, to forget about the blackout. Told me it was time to step up with Luke and become girlfriend of the year. So I invited Luke over to my apartment for dinner. But then he saw the jar in the freezer. He asked me what was going on between me and Sam. I said it was one night and nothing happened. He got mad and left. Then Sam and I got assigned to do a prisoner transfer. The guy was at the penitentiary in Sudbury. Five hours there, five hours back. Things still weren't good between me and Sam. It was an awkward drive. Until we got to this little diner."

"What happened at the diner?"

"Well," Andy said, "Things were getting even more awkward then. He told these korny jokes and it was like all of a sudden. Things weren't awkward anymore. It was the Sam that I knew the Sam that I was."

"Attracted to?" Lisa interrupted in an inquisitive tone.

Andy nodded, "Yeah that Sam. He even opened up to me a little bit when we got back into the car to finish driving to the prison. It was nice. Then on the way back the prisoner was acting really nice, too nice, actually. I should have known something was up. We stopped to get gas but the men's room was out of order I guess. Sam pulled the car over to use the bathroom on the side of the road. Then I accidently lost the prisoner. Sam was mad, understandably so. We got the prisoner back, the prisoner hit me with a large branch. Tried to take my gun, tried to choke me to death. He cut my leg with the branch. We got him back to the car, Sam apologized for losing it at me when I lost the prisoner. He didn't need to apologize for that though I wasn't mad at him for that. Then he opened up to me about his sister Sarah. He also said that whatever happened between us, that Luke was a good guy. We brought the prisoner to the barn. I got changed walked out to the parking lot to find Luke there waiting for me. He kissed me, and we were back to normal. I wasn't sure why he forgave me. Until yesterday."

"Yesterday what happened yesterday?"

"I got in a fight – well not really a fight. It was more of a small tiff. Not even a tiff really." Andy's hands were beginning to flail as she spoke.

"Andy you're deflecting." Lisa pointed out.

_Damn it this woman is relentless._

"What happened with this tiff that wasn't really a tiff that was a fight that wasn't really a fight?"

Andy sighed, "Luke called me into his office after my shift was over. Wanted to talk to me about getting back together. Which I definitely don't want. I broke up with Luke, because being with him wasn't fair to him. I care about him but I'm not in love with him. He is a nice guy, he just deserves someone who can love him the way that he."

Lisa interrupted Andy, "Let's focus on one thing at a time Andy, what happened when Luke called you into his office?"

Andy looked at the ground. "He wanted to talk about the confrontation that happened the day before. He wanted to talk about us, what was going on between us. People around the office know I'm seeing you, know that Sam went to Frank."

"It's interesting that you said that Sam went to Frank. When we first started you said that Sam went behind your back. Now it's just he went to Frank. I guess things really have taken a turn with Sam. Would I be correct to assume that?"

Andy bit her lip at Lisa's accusations. She wasn't wrong, things with Sam had taken a huge turn. They were kind of dating, they love each other. It was all confusing, but in an amazing way. "You wouldn't be wrong to assume that. But anyway, with Luke. I told him that I couldn't play second fiddle to his job anymore, that he's a nice guy. That he will make some girl really happy but that girl just isn't me. Then he started asking me about the night of the black out. He wanted to know what really happened with Sam that night. He told me that Sam went to him and said that he tried something and that I shot him down. Which obviously isn't the truth. But he doesn't know that. But I still got mad at him, because he believed Sam when Sam told him pretty much the same thing I did. We were dating he should have listened to me, should have believed me right? But I guess it's water under the bridge doesn't really matter so, I asked him if it really mattered but he kept pushing it so I left his office. But he stopped me in the middle of the bullpen. He asked me again in not so many words. I told him to let it go, that it doesn't matter. I mean it doesn't matter?"

"Are you asking me?" Dr. Forrest asked her taking Andy a back.

Andy shook her head, "No I'm not asking. I'm saying it, definitely saying it."

Lisa shook her head and scribbled more into her notepad.

"Andy, I want to talk about the nightmares. It's why you're here, until we talk about them and I can help you get over them.."

"I won't be able to go back on patrol." Andy said weakly. Lisa just nodded.

"This man named Sam has caused you to be able to open up to me more. I just hope that you'll be able to open up enough to talk about the nightmares. See you tomorrow Andy."

Andy left the shrinks office feeling slightly defeated. She was fine talking about Sam, hell even fine talking about Luke. But knowing that tomorrow she'd have to go in there and the shrink wanted and was expecting her to talk about her nightmares made Andy nervous. She quickly changed into her uniform and headed towards the parade room. She hated going to parade lately, because it didn't mean much to her she knew what her post was. Desk. Andy felt like she would never get to go on patrol again.

"Alright, we didn't get anything on the guy homicide is looking for yesterday. We are still on the lookout for him. Keep your eyes peeled. Also yesterday there was a string of car vandalisms around Dundas Square. Peck and Swarek you are going to patrol Dundas Square all day. Diaz you are back on desk with McNally, Nash you're with Williams, Epstein today you're in the booking room with Stryker, Shaw you are on patrol with Andrews. Remember guys Serve, Protect, and keep your eyes open."

Andy and Chris made their way to the front desk walking beside each other. Andy didn't want to run the risk of running into Luke by herself. He'd probably start talking about the conversation they had yesterday. She was done talking about that conversation. Absolutely done. But Luke was standing at the front desk waiting for them.

"Alright guys," Luke said as they sat down in their chairs. "We need to find Mr. Emerson, make sure that any tips that might be good get to me asap." Luke looked at Andy dead in the eyes, she wanted to move the direction of her gaze. But she couldn't her eyes were paralyzed. "Understand?" Andy suppressed an eyeroll. She knew if she rolled her eyes at him she'd get into a world of trouble which is the last thing she wanted.

"Officer McNally," He continued, "Do you have a minute? We need to talk."

Andy looked over at Chris who just shrugged his shoulders. Andy reluctantly got up from her chair and followed Luke to an empty hallway.

"I don't know if this is going to work Andy." He said to her causing Andy to be slightly confused.

"What Luke?" Andy said quickly in haste.

"You and I working together." Luke said softly glancing around the place making sure no one could hear their conversation.

"Seriously Luke, what are you suggesting now? I have no problem being professional and working with you if you can't do that then that is your problem."

Andy watched as Luke sighed and rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. Andy could see just how frustrated he was getting with her. It was slightly fun, but it was more annoying than anything. She also didn't like where the conversation was heading.

"I saw you leaving with Swarek last night."

"So." Andy retorted.

"Really Andy? After everything that happened between us. You not telling me if what Sam said was true. Telling me that it doesn't matter. That you care about me. Being with Sam makes it seem like there is a whole lot you're not telling me. Which means you don't trust me, and if you don't trust me I don't see how we can work together."

"Number one Luke, what goes on between me and Sam is none of your business. Number two, what goes on between me and Sam has no bearings on how I do my job. Number three what goes on between me and Sam shouldn't have any effect how you do your job. It's between me and Sam." Andy turned around to walk back to the front desk, but she turned around to look back at look and sighed. "I really don't know what's going on with you. But this guy, I don't like him at all."

Gail and Sam were sitting in their unmarked car, as they scanned the west end of Dundas Square. Things were fairly quiet, both in and outside of the car.

"Okay, I have to ask." Gail said finally breaking the silence. Sam turned his head to look at Gail as she continued, "I saw what happened yesterday in the bullpen between Andy and Callaghan are they still together?"

Sam plastered his non-serious smile on his face. "Don't know."

Gail rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Yeah right, I'm not stupid Sam you know."

"And what if I did know, what was going on?" Sam replied.

"Listen I'm not going to go and shout it through the barn or anything. I don't know if you've been listening to me when I've been talking to you, but I've been telling you to try things with Andy and to go for it. If they aren't together anymore, take the leap already."

"Take the leap already?"

Gail laughed a little, "Yeah I mean what's stopping you? She obviously likes you and you are obviously head over heels for her."

"Why are you so interested in my love life Peck?"

"I'm not interested per say, I just think of you and Andy both as friends."

"Friends, huh?" Sam said interrupting her.

"Yes friends, look I know a lot of people look at me and all they see is some white shirt waiting to happen. Traci definitely does, she hasn't made much of an effort to get to know me but, that's not important. You and Andy for the most part have been pretty nice to me. Andy and Chris are really close too, and Chris and I both think that."

Before Gail could finish her sentence Sam interrupted her again.

"Woah, you and Diaz talk about this?"

"We've talked about it, yeah you and Andy are clearly attracted to each other. Just take a chance who knows it might be worth it. What's going on over there?" Gail pointed at a couple of guys dressed in all black, including ski masks. "It's a little early for ski masks don't you think?" She said as he turned her head to Sam.

One of the guys pulled out a crow bar. "Light it up Peck." Sam pulled the car onto the road and directly at the perps.

"Andy what gives? What did Callaghan say to you?" Chris asked. Ever since her conversation with Luke earlier Andy had been abusing files as she perused through them aggressively, she slammed down staplers, the phones, aggressively reached for pens and pencils.

Andy turned her head, "What are you talking about?" she said basically hissing at him.

"It's just uh... you're kind of abusing the desk. You have been you know since you came back from talking to him." He said sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Chris, I'm really sorry. I've just been on edge lately. I've had a lot going on."

Chris nodded, "You can talk to me you know Andy?"

Andy smiled weakly at him, "I know Chris. I just don't think it's unfair to unload my problems onto you. I'm sure you've had a lot going on after being stabbed and all. You don't need to be thinking about my problems. Actually I've been so self-involved I haven't even asked how are you doing?"

"I'm good, everything is good, I'm just happy the wound wasn't worse than it was. I feel kind of stupid I should have had my gun drawn should have seen the knife."

"Chris no, you couldn't have known. You did everything you could. You did everything right. Don't second guess yourself."

Chris nodded. Then both of their phones rang.

"Officer McNally, Metropolitan Police."

"Officer my name is Gregory Reed. I think I know where the guy is that you're looking for. You know? The one that has ties to that murdered cop."

"Collin Emerson?"

"Yeah Officer, that's the one. You see Collin has been pretty weird for the past couple of years. I saw him earlier this morning crashing on my buddy Dade's couch. He is avoiding the cops, has been for two years."

"Do you have an address?" Andy hurriedly reached for a sticky note and a pen.

"Yeah, Yeah, it's 781 Young Street apartment 18."

Andy scribbled down the address and name of the person making the call as quickly as she could.

"Thank you very much."

"Yeah, I hope this pans out for ya."

The line went dead.

Andy looked over at Chris as she hung up the phone. "We just got our first decent tip." Andy bolted from her chair and made her way to the Bullpen as quickly as she could.

"Detective Callaghan," Andy yelled across the bullpen. He was standing by his door talking with Jerry.

"Officer McNally," Luke retorted when Andy was within earshot with a cold distant tone. Andy decided to just brush it off. If he wanted to act like an overgrown five year old there was nothing Andy could do to stop him.

"We received a good tip. A Gregory Reed called, said he knows Collin Emerson. He claims he's been crashing on a mutual friend's couch. The address is 781 Young Street apartment 18."

"Alright we'll follow up on it." Luke turned to go into his office. Andy was about to turn around when Jerry started to talk to her.

"Hold on McNally,"

Andy looked at Jerry, "Yes sir?"

"Good work keep it up."

"Thank you sir." Andy turned around and made her way back to the front desk.

Gail and Sam had made the arrests and dropped the guys off for booking.

"More paperwork, yay." Gail said sarcastically. They both looked at each other and let out a little smile.

"One of the many joys of being an officer." Sam quipped in return.

The two of them walked from the booking room to their desks and started on the paperwork they had to do for their shifts and the arrests.

Andy was going back to the evidence room to put away a file when she spotted Sam sitting at his desk. She flashed him a little smile.

"You should go talk to her, I've got the paperwork covered." Gail said to Sam.

"You sure Peck?"

"Yeah, yeah go for it."

Sam got up from his chair and followed Andy to the evidence room.

"So how is your day going?" Sam asked her when they entered the room.

Andy couldn't help by sigh. "Could be better I had a thing with Luke."

"Thing with Callaghan? Want to talk about it?" Sam asked cautiously.

"You know what happened yesterday after work, him trying to get back together with me." Sam nodded his head and Andy continued. "Well today before I even started working he pulled me away from the desk. And said that he and I working together isn't going to work, because I won't tell him what happened between us or what's going on between us and he thinks that based on that that means that I don't trust him and that I never cared about him."

Sam walked over to Andy and wrapped his arms around her. "Want me to go all, what did you call it? Retrain on him.."

Andy let out a small laugh, "No I don't I'll be fine."

"Andy you don't have to put up with him, if he's does it again just tell Frank about it."

"Well don't you two look cozy." Luke said behind them.

"Shut up Callaghan." Sam replied quickly turning around making sure to stand in front of Andy.

"No this is good really, I hope you two are really really happy together. Will I get an invite to the wedding?" Luke said in a condescending tone.

"Are you going to stop Luke? What you're doing it's juvenile, really juvenile." Andy said with obvious hurt in her voice. All Luke did was roll his eyes at her.

"Andy you don't have to talk to him, not now not ever, and you definitely don't have to explain yourself to him."

"Sammy, Andy can fight her own battles she doesn't need you doing it for her."

"Tell me something Callaghan you ever take responsibility for anything?" Sam said with a smile on his face. Luke just crossed his arms and said nothing in return.

"Andy why don't we go?" Sam said looking back at her reaching his arm around her his hand making contact with the small of her back. And with that the two of them left the evidence room.

**I kind of did a flip with Luke and made him into a jerk. I do like the character Luke this is just how the story turned, haha. I'll write Tommy in soon no worries I know a lot of you are waiting for me to have Andy address her father. Sorry that the updates haven't been everyday like they were when I first started the story. At first my computer needed to be fixed, had a virus. Then the craziest thing happened with my internet, phone, and tv. They all stopped working. It was odd IDK what the hell was going on there. So, I hope you like all these updates. I read all your comments and they mean a lot to me. **

_I really hope you all enjoy the new chapters. I was bored, really really bored. Lol so that is why I wrote so many chapters during the whole computer internet not working thing. _


	16. Chapter 16

"So?" Gail said when Sam sat back down at his desk. Sam just gave her a look that said, what are you talking about. "Oh come on Swarek, what gives did you finally bare your soul to Andy or what?"

Sam shook his head and said nothing but he couldn't hold back the smile he got whenever he thought of Andy. Gail was about to comment about his big goofy smile but before she could.

"Swarek my office now." Best's voice boomed across the room. Sam looked over at Gail who looked back at him with confusion and shrugged her shoulders.

Luke bumped into Frank outside of the Evidence Room after his little run in with Sam and Andy. He was fuming about what was going on with Andy. He still wanted to be with her, and although he had originally handled the break-up well. He was beginning to realize that Andy was the best thing that happened to him in a long time. He wanted her to see that what they had was good, but he didn't want to do it with secrets. Andy was adamant against geting back together with Luke. He was also tired of Andy saying he was this good guy, if he was such a good guy you'd think that it would have been enough.

"Sir." Luke said to Frank before he past Luke.

"Callaghan how can I help you?"

"I just had something I need to talk to you about it's about Swarek and McNally."

Frank couldn't hide his annoyance. "Alright," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair, "But let's make this quick."

"Right, well the thing is – is that they haven't been so easy to work with. McNally broke up with me a while ago and it's like neither one of them wants to work with me now. They are making it kind of difficult for me to do my job."

"That doesn't sound like something Swarek would do, I mean it's no secret he doesn't like you and that you don't like him. As for McNally this doesn't seem like this is something that she would do either, and I thought I made myself clear to you and Swarek about this back and forth bullshit between the two of you. My office, now. I'm going to get to the bottom of this today."

Sam got up from his chair and made his way to Frank's office. It was the second time in a few days he had been called in there by a not overly pleased Frank. Only this time he had no idea what he did to deserve being called into Frank's office this time.

But when he made it to the door Andy and Luke were sitting down.

_Callaghan, I should have known_. Sam thought to himself as he walked through the opened door closing it behind him.

"Alright, I'm really sick and tired of whatever it is that is going on between the three of you. This is a professional environment, we are coppers. We need to be on our game all the time, we can't let things like this get in the way of us doing our jobs. I don't know what is going on, and you are going to tell me what is going on. Right now, understood?"

The three of them nodded their heads. Andy shot Sam a confused look, but he had no idea what was going on. She had no idea what was going on.

"Now, Luke pulled me aside and informed me that the two of your were making it – difficult for him to do his job. Claiming that an event in your personal lives has sparked this."

Andy turned her head to look at Luke. She shot him a look letting him know that she was not only angry but hurt by his actions.

"Alright," Frank said, "Which one of you wants to begin?"

Andy was about to open her mouth to open her mouth when Luke started talking. "I just want the same thing you want Frank for us all to be able to peacefully co-exist."

"Really?" Andy said surprising herself. She was standing up to Luke, "When we were speaking earlier you didn't want to seem to make a working relationship work." Andy began to get uncomfortable, the whole situation. The confrontation. Luke acting out of character. Andy was about to explode.

"Talking earlier?" Frank interjected.

Andy nodded, "He asked me if us working together was going to work. He thinks that there is something going on between me and Sam."

She looked over at Sam. They hadn't really talked about what was going on between them. Other than that they loved each other. Andy knew that after shift that is what she needed to do, have a conversation with Sam about them. About their relationship, if there was one. Maybe he meant that he loved her as a sister or a friend. She hadn't really stopped to consider that before. Maybe she thought that there was something going on that wasn't going on. But they kissed, and if there wasn't something going on then they wouldn't have kissed right? _Andy stopped over thinking_. She instructed herself.

"There is no rule that you and Sam cannot date. He's not your training officer anymore and you are not technically a rookie anymore. Detective Callaghan if this is what is bothering you, there is nothing I can do about it. I can talk to the Chief of D's and with you if you want to transfer. The 15th would hate to lose you but I understand if you need a change of scenery."

Luke shook his head, "No I don't want to be transferred."

Frank sat back in his chair. "Then I suggest that the three of you just act polite when you have to cross paths. Like I said we're coppers, we protect the city. This shouldn't get in the way of you doing your jobs. I'd hate to have to get Internal Affairs involved. But if it comes to the point where you are not doing your jobs properly or effectively because of these issues then I'll have no other choice. I will be making a formal note of this meeting in all of your files. Don't let this happen again. Dismissed."

The end of the shift finally arrived. Andy couldn't wait to get out of the barn. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to go to the Penny because she didn't want to run the risk of running into Luke. He was being such an ass. Andy knew that she couldn't go around avoiding him from here until the end of time. But for tonight she planned on avoiding him at all costs.

"So, how are things?" Traci asked breaking Andy from her thoughts.

"What do you mean?" Andy asked baffled.

"We haven't talked in a while. Things alright with you?"

"Depends on what part of my life you're asking about." Andy said turning around to sit on the bench.

"Uh oh, what happened?" Traci said moving to sit down beside her.

"I broke up with Luke. Which was fine, he took it pretty well at the time. I couldn't move in with him Trace, I couldn't be with him. I mean, I care about him sure but I don't love him like that. I don't think I ever really did."

Traci nodded, "I'm sorry Andy."

"Yeah, me too, especially since he's acting like an ass now."

"Woah, what happened?"

"Well, okay there is something going on between me and Sam. I'm not really sure what it is yet. But things are moving and Luke isn't taking it so well. He is causing trouble for us at work. And he's probably the one going around saying I'm seeing the department's shrink."

Traci looked confused, "Wait a minute you're seeing the department shrink?"

Andy nodded, "Yup, not allowed to go on patrol until the shrink says I can handle it. Which is so crazy, I didn't even get to go on patrol after the shooting before I was shoved behind the front desk. But whatever, I guess it's fine."

"Well that sucks." Traci responded.

"Yeah tell me about it. But desk duty with Chris isn't so bad."

"You mean when he isn't reciting the manual to you?" Traci laughed a little.

Andy let out a little smile, "He's not that bad Trace."

"So you and Swarek, I guess the blackout really was the best mistake of your life, huh?"

Andy nodded. "Yeah I guess it was."

"So you coming to the Penny, we can have some drinks talk about what's going on with you and Swarek, and how I kicked Dex out."

Andy looked over at Traci shocked. "You kicked Dex out what happened?"

"Hooked back up with the yoga instructor from NA, thought I wouldn't find out about it." Traci sighed, "I should have never broken up with Jerry."

"Trace you couldn't have known, you tried with Dex for Leo. It isn't your fault, I'm sure Jerry understands why you had to do it. I'm also sure that if you wanted to he'd take you back."

Traci smiled, "You really think so?"

Andy nodded, "Yeah I really do. I can't go to the Penny tonight though Trace. But tomorrow we will have a girl's night. Me, you, and a bottle of wine what do you say?"

"Sounds good."

"See you tomorrow Trace." Andy picked up her bag and left the locker room.

"So Sammy," Oliver said when he entered the locker room. "What is the deal with Callaghan the buzz around the barn is he's making things difficult for you and McNally?"

Sam turned his head, he didn't really want to get into this with Oliver right now. Although, talking it through was probably a better solution than punching Callaghan and getting suspended. "You always believe everything you hear?"

Oliver laughed his signature laugh, "No, but I know you Sammy. I know when you are deflecting talking about something because you're angry. Seriously though what is Callaghan's problem?"

"If you figure it out be sure to let me know." Sam retorted.

"That bad huh?"

"That isn't even the start of it, but I can't talk about it even if I wanted to. Kind of under a gag order." Sam admitted.

"Well it is worse than I thought then, Frank shouldn't be pissed at you it isn't like it's your fault or anything."

"Yeah but you know me Shaw, I give as good as I get it."

"That you do Sammy, you headed to the Penny tonight? Haven't seen you there for the last week."

"I'm not sure, but I'll be there tomorrow."

Oliver nodded. "Alright good enough brother, take care." Both men exited the locker room.

Andy waited for Sam by his truck. She really hoped that he didn't have any other plans. They had spent almost every single night together since she had her little breakdown, okay so it wasn't little. Breaking every dish in her apartment, kind of made it a huge meltdown. Which reminded her if she was going to have a girl's night with Traci she needed to go buy new dishes and some more wine glasses. But right now, Andy had to focus on what she was going to say to Sam. They had said they love each other, they've kissed. They sleep over at each other's places. She hoped that she wasn't getting the wrong message. The more time Andy spent with Sam, the more she realized that it was him that she really wanted this whole time and not Luke. Breaking up with Luke, well getting shot really sent this all in motion. So it was really t getting shot that made this all time, so maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

"Officer McNally," Sam said to Andy in a playful tone breaking her from her thoughts.

"Officer Swarek," Andy said in return with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Have any plans for the evening?" Sam asked her his tone keeping the mood light.

Andy nodded, and Sam looked at her kind of confused. "Yeah well, I was hoping that I'd spend the night with this guy. He's tall, dark, and handsome."

"Just handsome huh?" Sam interjected.

"Well not just handsome," Andy said biting her lip, "He's actually very attractive and he's pretty good company." Sam moved in closer to Andy. It made her heart beat a little faster. She stared into his dark eyes, his glance meeting hers. He inched in closer and closer until there was no distance between the two of them and Andy was up against the driver's side door.

"Andy," Sam whispered to her softly in his husky tone, "Let me take you home."

Andy smiled back at him. "Only if you kiss me first."

Sam smiled at Andy then leaned in and kissed her. Andy leaned her head back against the glass of the truck's window. Her legs felt a little weak. Just like they did everytime she kissed him. She dropped her bag and let it crash against the pavement of the parking lot then reached both of her arms up to wrap them around Sam's neck. They both released from the kiss.

Andy bit her lip again. Sam had a way of making her stomach fill with butterflies, it was great. "So how about that ride?" Andy said as she walked around to the passenger's side of Sam's truck.

"Right, right the drive." Sam said as he unlocked the doors and hopped into the driver's side.

Sam and Andy arrived at her place. They had made it all the way up into the apartment. Andy still wasn't quite sure what she was going to say to Sam about what was going on between them. She really wanted to know how he felt, but then again it wasn't that long ago that she was royally pissed off at him for telling Frank about everything that was going on with her. Maybe it was a good thing he did it, Andy still wasn't sure about what part but there was one thing Andy was sure of and that was she was no longer mad at Sam about it.

"So," Andy said as they sat down on her couch. "What's going on between us exactly?"

_Way to lead into it Andy_, she thought to herself. _Don't scare him off_.

"What do you mean?" Sam responded not really sure what Andy was getting at.

"Well it's just we tell each other that we love each other. We hang out all the time, we kiss. Are we you know?"

Sam interrupted Andy before she could finish her thoughts, although And wasn't quite sure exactly where her thoughts were taking her.

"I thought we were." Sam said simply. "Aren't we?"

Andy looked up into his eyes, she thought about everything that was going on in her life. All the uncertainty, every time someone had let her down. Then she thought about Sam and how really he had never let her down not once. She knew that she had all these feelings for Sam that she had tried to desperately to ignore for so long because she thought that he wasn't the good guy. But when Andy really stopped to think about he, not only was he not a bad guy. He was a good guy, but even more so he was a great guy. He listened to her for months when she had problems with Luke. Said he was a good guy, which probably tasted like vinegar coming out of his mouth. He was willing to give up his own happiness for her. Willing to push her away because he thought that would make her happy. Which in a strange way was romantic.

"We are we definitely are. I love you, Sam. I just wish I had realized it sooner."

Sam smiled at Andy, "I love you Andy."

Sam and Andy spent the night cuddled up on the sofa watching a baseball game, drinking beer. Andy wasn't so interested in the game, she was just happy to be spending time with Sam. She couldn't remember a time where she had been this truly happy. Not since she was a kid, maybe even before her mother left. Andy shook off the thought of her mother, she tried not to think about her. What she was thinking when she just up and left in the middle of the night. Andy would have understood them getting divorced. That would make sense, sometimes that is what Andy wished had happened. That no one left in the middle of the night – rather just divorced. She missed her mom sometimes. Andy needed her, she kind of needed her now. She wished that she had some kind of mother figure that could give her relationship advice. She couldn't exactly talk to her dad about this stuff. Not that she had talked to her dad since they fought and he entered rehab.

"Andy, are you okay?" Sam asked her as he brushed a tear off her face. Andy didn't even realize she had tears in her eyes.

She nodded, "Yeah I am just happy. Sam, you make me really happy."

"You're happy so you're crying?" Sam asked sceptically.

"It sounds crazy I know, but I was just thinking that I don't remember the last time I've ever been this happy." Andy admitted honestly to Sam. She didn't want to keep things from him. Sure things with Luke were okay, but they weren't like this. Just so easy. If Andy knew that things with Sam would be great then she might have made a different decision a long time ago. Like never being with Luke in the first place.

"I'm happy too." Sam said then placed a kiss on her forehead.

Andy fell asleep on the sofa with her head leaned on Sam's shoulder about half an hour before the game ended. He just sat there, he was really happy that Andy had forgiven him about going to Frank. He wasn't quite sure if he and Andy were ready to jump into a big huge commitment but things were moving slowly. Actually, faster than he had intended or anticipated. But it just felt right.

Sam lifted her up off the couch and carried her to the bed. He then climbed in on the other side and he fell asleep.

"_Andy we need to talk about your nightmares."_

_Bang. Bang._

"_What was that?"_

"_Gunshots."_

"_Officer shot, Oliver, Oliver."_

"_It's me I'm cursed."_

"_Put your hands in the air, don't move, don't move. AHHHHH"_

_Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang._

_The man laid on the floor his cold dead brown eyes staring up at Andy. _

"_Officer McNally I need to understand how the hostage situation developed."_

"_I forgot to load my gun."_

"_Why did you let Nash dangle back there?"_

"_What kind of cops are you?"_

"_All I see is a piece of strange tress passing on my property; I've got no option but to shoot." _

"_Who are they gonna believe a senior detective with an impeccable record whose been on an elite task force for nine years or a rookie with a train wreck for an old man."_

"_You're nothing but a tube of lipstick and a badge."_

"_You have to stop Sam's car as soon as he gets to Burgeon he's made they're gonna kill him."_

"_Officer in jeopardy move in now."_

"_One victim DOA shot in the chest."_

"_We have an undercover cop in the building, repeat, an undercover cop in the building."_

_The yellow sheet Luke and Boyd standing next to it. It can't be Sam, Sam can't be dead. They pull back the sheet and there he is staring at her. His eyes cold. _

"_McNally you should have had my back."_

"_You didn't have his back."_

"_You should have saved Swarek's ass." _

"_Every rookie screws up, but this?"_

_Bang. Bang._

"_Officer Down, lie back, lie back."_

"_She's dead."_

"NOOO." Andy screamed as she jolted up in bed. Her heard was racing her breath was shallow. She ran her hands over her face and her fingers through her hair.

Sam sat up in the bed beside her. He reached his arms to wrap her in an embrace. "Andy are you okay?" he asked softly.

"I just had another nightmare, I'll be fine." Andy said trying to brush it off. She nuzzled her head in the crook of Sam's neck. Andy knew that in the morning she'd have to sit in a room talk to Lisa about her nightmares. I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Talking about what was going on between her and Sam, and her and Luke wasn't so bad. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad either.

"She wants me to talk about them." Andy said softly.

"Who wants you to talk about what?" Sam asked her only half sure he knew what she was talking about. It was late, and he nearly fell out of the bed when Andy screamed.

"Lisa Forrest, the uh – the shrink. She wants me to talk about the nightmares." With every word Andy said her tone got softer becoming less audible.

"Oh," Sam said unsure of what to say. He got Andy into this, he's seen the department shrink before. You'd think he would know what to say but he didn't.

"Yeah, I don't know if I am going to do it though. I'm still not sure I can trust her. She was right about you though."

"What do you mean right about me?"

"Well she told me that eventually I'd need to break down my walls and let someone in. That was the day of the night that I came to your place. You know really early in the morning."

"Oh," Sam said again. Unsure of what to think about that.

"You're saying oh a lot." Andy said sounding like she was half asleep again.

"Yeah, I know sorry. I'm glad you let me in. You're pretty amazing Andy."

"You're not so bad yourself you know."

Sam smiled softly and leaned back to lie in bed again still holding Andy and gently lying her down in this arms. Sam was about to say something else when he looked down to see Andy's eyes closed. She snuggled in a bit closer to him. The sensation making him tingle all over. Her nose was against his neck, and she had fallen asleep again. Sam closed his eye and before he knew it he was asleep again aswell.


	17. Chapter 17

"So Andy, yesterday when we spoke I said that today I wanted you to talk about the nightmares you've been having. Do you think you're ready to talk about the nightmares?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Andy insisted. She had already told the doctor that the nightmares were a lie. Granted she was having them, they were unnerving. It was like she really was feeling it all every bad call was quickly becoming a ghost. She wanted to shove them into a closet like her father did. Even though it turned out horribly for him. But Andy wasn't her father, she could handle it.

"Andy, we've spent the last few sessions with you opening up to me. I'd like to continue down that path. You've been making progress."

"Enough progress to go back on patrol?" Andy perked up in her chair. Hoping that the doctor would say yes. But the hope with quickly snatched away.

"No not enough to go back on patrol. It's good that you've been working through your situation with Luke and Sam with me but I want to talk about the nightmares. I can't make you talk about them."

Andy was getting nervous again. She wanted to deflect the conversation. She really didn't want anyone to know about the nightmares not even Sam.

"Okay then," Lisa said, "Then why don't we talk about something else. How has it been on the job?"

"Fine," Andy said it was truthful. Things had been fine she loved her job. This being a police officer this is where she needed to be this is what she needed to be doing. She loved it, every second of it. Even when it scared the hell out of her.

"Fine?" Lisa said as a question. Andy didn't know what to say to her. How could she explain the job to someone who didn't do it?

"This job is great, but you see a lot of things. You see people in the worst times in their lives the most vulnerable times in their lives. It's hard to talk about."

This probably wasn't the first time Lisa had heard a statement to that effect. But it didn't stop it from being true.

"What have you experienced since you joined the force, and why is it hard to talk about?"

Andy grasped her knees with her hands. "The first day on the job, I saved this girl from overdosing on drugs. But everyone around me thought that it was weird and gross that I gave her mouth to mouth. I didn't understand, I still don't. She was just a kid, fifteen, I couldn't let her die." Andy made sure she wasn't looking in Lisa's eyes. This was really hard for her. She didn't want to talk about it. She knew that Lisa was probably writing something down in her notebook. Looking up at her between scribbling.

"I became a cop because I want to help people, I want to do something bigger than myself."

"That's very noble Andy," Lisa interjected, "How did it feel when you saved that girl's life."

"Great, the medics came gave her some adrenaline she was fine. Her brother went to jail though. He shot a small drug dealer. Mink Barker. He pulled a gun on me. He was scared, I felt bad for him. He was just a scared kid. His sister took some drugs probably laced with cut glass or something. He wanted to know what she took. I convinced him to give me the gun. I wish I didn't have to arrest him but I had no other choice."

Andy could feel tears begin to form in her eyes. That conversation began to play in her head. That day began to play in her head. Listening to the kid. Andy had to fight the tears, she couldn't be this vulnerable in front of Dr. Forrest. _Come on Andy fight your tears_. She said to herself.

"That's good Andy keep talking what else has happened, and how has it made you feel." Lisa's voice full of empathy and encouragement.

"A few weeks in, it was fight night. It's a fundraiser for retired cops. That day we did an undercover thing. I was on one of the surveillance teams. Watching what was going on through a window in this apartment building. I was late for the briefing. So another Rookie got lead and I had to ride shotgun on it. We had to break up this domestic disturbance. The woman, I tried to help her but she went back to her husband anyway. He beats her and then the morning after he puts cinnamon on her coffee – sprinkles it. She told me that. How twisted is that? She said that he needed her. But what was even more twisted than that, was that I understood."

"Understood?" The interest in Lisa's voice piqued.

The tears had filled Andy's eyes, if she blinked she knew they'd escape which she couldn't allow. She continued to avoid eye contact with Lisa. She wasn't going to cry. Vulnerability wasn't Andy's strong suit. She didn't wear it well, and hated how it felt.

"Yeah understood."

"Why did you understand?"

_Damn can't this woman let anything go? This has nothing to do with why I am here._ The words echoed in Andy's mind.

"I don't want to talk about it. It's private." The words it's private left Andy's mouth before she could stop them. She knew that that would come back to bite her in the ass later. It was private though, Andy affirmed to herself. It was between her and her dad. Sure he never laid a hand on her but she got what it was like to be hurt by the people who have vowed to love and protect you no matter what. That disappointment, the anger, it was all the same.

"Private?" Lisa's tone but empathetic and unimpressed. How she managed that one was beyond Andy.

All Andy could muster was a nod. She heard Lisa let out an audible sigh.

"Andy why don't you tell me why you don't want to talk about this stuff. Maybe that would help you open up more."

"It's not like I want to shove all these things into a closet." Andy said defensively, "I know firsthand what shoving all those ghosts in a closet can do a cop." Andy remembered uttering those words not too long ago. Here she was saying them again. Being a cop, being a detective it had done a number on her father. He was a broken shell of a man. Not the guy who took her to the beach when she was a little girl. He was different.

"You mean what's going on with you, with the nightmares?"

Andy finally lifted her head revealing her tear-filled eyes to Lisa, and she shook her head. "No, not me my father." She blinked and finally let the tears escape.

"Oh, your father is a cop too?"

"Was, he retired about six years ago. He was a detective."

Andy reached to wipe the tears from her face. Forcing the new ones that were forming to stay back.

"Alright Andy, I think we can leave it there for today."

Andy lifted herself from the chair and quickly made it to the door.

Andy looked down at her watch after exiting. She had a tear stained face and realized that she had five minutes to make it down to change and get into the parade room.

"Crap," Andy muttered under her breath and she started to make a run for it. She hated that the early morning meetings made her ever later for her shift than she would be if she just got up on her own. Went on her own accord.

She busted into the locker room, she quickly made her way over to her locker. She changed rapidly, causing her to quickly forget about the meeting with the shrink. She changed and there was one minute left. Andy ran as fast as she could through the bullpen and to the parade room. She was panting from all the running and rushing she did to make it just in the nick of time.

"Right now," Frank said. "Tonight is a full moon. So you know what that means, some crazy people are going to be roaming the streets. Keep your eyes peeled full moons are just as bad as heat waves. Swarek you're with Peck. McNally you're in the barn with Diaz, Epstein you're with Shaw, Nash since Williams is off today you're going to be in booking with Andrews. Serve, Protect, and keep your cool."

Chris and Andy made their way to the front desk. Andy remembered her meeting with the shrink along the way. Would she tell Frank that she had been difficult again? Probably, but Andy didn't want to talk about that stuff. She didn't see the importance of bringing these things up. Making it so the world knows about it. It just didn't make sense to Andy.

They sat down in their respective seats. Andy sighed, it was clear that her mind was somewhere else. Chris wanted to ask her, he had been kind of hinting for her to talk about what was going on for the past few days. She didn't though. Didn't hint towards anything. Always said she was fine. Even though, everyone knew she wasn't. But it was fine, they chalked it up to that being how Andy was. She knew that if she really couldn't hold it in she'd talk about it.

"Full moon," Gail to Sam as they made their way out to the car. "Sounds like fun. So, can I drive for once?"

Gail had been secretly building up that question. Sam just looked at her and he walked right to the driver's side. "Come on Swarek you always drive." Gail said in a last stitch effort to try and get behind the wheel of the car.

"That's right," Sam said as he opened the car door. "I always drive."

Gail smiled even though she didn't want to. She decided to just give in, it was a long shot anyway. They both made their way into the car.

"So do you really think it will be that crazy out?"

Sam was about to turn to tell her not to jynx it but they got interrupted with a call over the radio.

"1505, we have a naked john doe in the back of a family's yard at 98 Elizabeth Street. Please respond."

Gail reached for a radio while Sam quickly started the car and flipped on the lights.

"Sorry," Gail said weakly as they made their way out of the parking lot and on the street.

They quickly made their way to the house call and when they got there Gail couldn't believe her eyes. Not that the act itself surprised her, but it was the person who committed the act that surprised her.

"Remember me?" Gail asked as Sam brought the guy to his feet. The man looked at her with confusion.

"I'm sorry I don't remember who I am or how I got here." The same man had been brought to the barn not that long ago. Gail was surprised Mapleview let him out. Maybe Dov was right, maybe we should have figured out who he was. Gail thought to herself.

"Wait you know this guy?" Sam said as they began to make their way to the car.

Gail nodded, "Yup, came in not that long ago. We admitted him to mapleview but it looks like someone let this nut out. We couldn't figure out who he was, wasn't in the system."

Chris and Andy had filed some papers, checked through some of the log in books, and made a few phone calls. Things were slow and boring back in the barn. All Andy could think about was that stupid therapy session she had earlier. Also, she was beginning to wonder why Traci hadn't heard that she had been seeing the shrink through the barn's grapevine. If Luke knew then he surely must have heard it from someone else.

Or did he?

Andy perked up in her chair causing Chris to look over at her with puzzlement.

"Chris is there any way to tell who last looked at personnel files?"

Andy looked over at him her eyes full of determination. She was going to find out who had been spreading the word about her going to those god awful therapy sessions.

"I don't think so. Not unless you're a white shirt or internal affairs."

Andy looked past Chris to Frank's office then back at Chris.

"You think you can cover for me for five minutes? I need to go talk to Sarge."

Before Chris even had a chance to say no, Andy bolted from her chair and rushed to Frank's office. She wanted to know what was going on. She had a feeling that maybe no one knew about what was going on at all. _How could she not even think of that before?_ She thought to herself. When she really thought about it, granted she had just thought of it but still, it made sense. Luke must have gotten into her file. Found out that she was being required to work desk until she got cleared by the shrink.

Frank waved Andy into his office.

"Sir, I have a question. It's about one of the meetings we had over the past few days."

Frank nodded, although he was confused about what she would have to question. But nevertheless he decided to listen to her question anyway.

"It's pretty unusual for someone seeing a shrink to become gossip around the barn. So I've been thinking that how could Luke have found out about that? Sam obviously didn't tell anyone, and you obviously didn't. I was thinking maybe is it possible that he could have I don't know this is silly."

"Out with it McNally," Frank said pretty unimpressed.

"Right," Andy said her hands were starting to flail, showing that she was beginning to get uncomfortable. "I don't want to get anyone in trouble but I was thinking is it possible that someone could access personnel files?"

Frank let out an audible sigh and clenched his jaw. "It isn't encouraged to look in them actually it's a rule that you are not allowed to go into anyone's personnel file. We don't even encourage you to look into your own."

"Oh, I don't want to look at mine. I was just thinking if they were on the computer then maybe you could tell who has looked into them. Then it might reveal who found out about me going to therapy."

Frank nodded, "Funny you mention that Andy, we actually looked into that this morning. We can't tell you anything more than that. But it's being handled. But on that subject, I actually just got off the phone with the internal affairs detective in the Derek Bibby case. You and Diaz are both going to have to meet with her in the coming days. Let Diaz know, when I get the dates. I'll let the both of you know. Andy, when you were in here before. I meant what I said you've got nothing to be ashamed of. No copper in this building would go around making a fellow cop having to see the department shrink a joke. We all have to do it Andy. We've all done it, it's part of the job. We see things, experience things, that most people never have to in their lifetime. It's okay to be affected by it Andy. Anyway, you're dismissed."

Sam and Gail had gotten their John Doe some clothes and put him in an interrogation room.

"Sir, this is the second time you've done this in the past few months. I don't think you don't know who you are. In fact, I think you do know who you are. Officer Swarek and I are going to find out where you came from and who you are. Do you understand?"

The guy nodded stupidly, "I really have no idea who you are Officer, though." The guy said to her.

"Right," Gail looked up at Sam with an annoyed look on her face.

"Alright," Sam said, "I am going to go do some searches. See what I can get. Officer Peck will be joining me. You are going to stay in here." Sam pulled out his handcuffs and cuffed him to the table. "And you sir are going to stay right here."

Sam and Gail made their way to their desks. "I don't think we are going to find this guy in the system. Dov did every search he could think of."

"Well it can't hurt to do it again," Sam responded.

"What if he is like some spy or something and no one wants us to know who he is." Gail said sarcastically. They both smiled.

"What if he's American?" Sam suggested.

"Could be but can we forward his prints and mug shots just on a whim like that?"

Sam nodded.

"I thought the Derek Bibby thing was over." Chris was kind of freaking out about having to talk to internal affairs about what happened. Andy was a little, but she had already talked to them when she had shot and killed that guy. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, but I'm sure all they want is one interview. It won't be a big deal Chris. We didn't do anything wrong. All we have to do is say what happened. We won't even have to take time off work."

How bad could it be? All they'd have to do is tell the truth. It isn't like talking to one of the IA detectives about killing someone. It should be straight forward. "We'll be fine." Andy said again not only reassuring Chris but reassuring herself aswell.

"What do you mean you two will be fine?" Sam asked making Andy jump in her chair. Sam had taken her by surprise didn't hear him come up behind them.

"Hey you," Andy said smiling at him. She couldn't control it, he just made her feel good no matter how she was feeling.

"So you gonna tell me what's going on with you guys?" Sam asked as he reached for a piece of paper from on top of the filing cabinet.

"It's just the Derek Bibby thing. Internal Affairs wants to talk to me and Chris. You know about what happened. Chris is kind of freaked out."

"I'm not freaked out," Chris responded quickly unconvincingly.

"It will be no big deal, you guys you did good work. You went with your gut and you were right."

"So what are you and Gail working on?" Andy asked curiously still looking up at Sam with a huge smile on her face.

"Naked John Doe. Says he doesn't know who he is. According to Peck this isn't the first time the guy has done this with the same story no less. We are forwarding his prints to police in New York since we can't get a hit on the guy."

"Sounds interesting." Andy said. Before they could continue her phone rang and they had to part ways.


End file.
